I know this question requires you to imagine you had the Men in Black memory eraser applied to you. Then you could forget all his lying, cheating, hurtfulness, selfishness, and/or slovenliness.
So imagine that you just met your now-ex — at a party, work, school, gym, with friends, in the hot tub — whatever would be plausible now at your current ages and location. You see him. Would you be drawn to talk to him?
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Last week a fellow globetrotting gal pal and I were sitting by the pool in Siem Reap, Cambodia during a 2-week trip to SE Asia. We were comparing notes about our recent dating lives. Or lack thereof. And our frustration at finding a sweetheart who had the means, time and desire to travel, and who had mutual attraction.
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It began 9 years ago today. I call it “The Great Awakening.”
Two days earlier we’d returned from a romantic week in a favorite city. We held hands walking in the rain-cleansed park, enjoyed restaurant meals and sight-seeing together, had laughs with friends, and had passionate nights.
He was intermittently moody during the vacation, sometimes walking 20 paces ahead or behind me saying he needed some solitude. I was used to this behavior, as it happened occasionally in our 20-year marriage. It was usually a phase and if I gave him space, he worked it out.
But returning home, he still seemed a bit distant. I asked if anything was wrong and he said no, so I figured he’d get over it soon enough. I fixed one of his favorite meals, and since it was Friday, we usually watched a movie.
As we were finishing dinner, he asked what I’d like to do after dinner, watch a DVD? I said sure.
Then there was a long pause. I’ll remember what he said next for the rest of my life.
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You sit comfortably and watch the dishes go by. You pick what looks appealing.
If you’re curious, you look more carefully and read whatever description is provided.
If an interesting one slips by without your snagging it, soon another option appears right in front of you. You don’t even have to move.
In fact, more often than not, the same dish will come back in a little while.
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His profile listed his name as “Micheal” (sic). But his first email was signed “Gerald.” When I asked him about the discrepancy, he admitted his name was, indeed, Micheal. He said, “I just didn’t feel it was right to go ahead with my real name at first.”
Didn’t he realize everyone he contacted would see his name was listed as Micheal?
[click to continue…]
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You’ve heard such a being exists. But you have yet to encounter one. Not that you haven’t tried. Relentlessly.
You’ve hunted in the places you’ve heard they frequent. To no avail.
You mean them no harm. You would lavish one with love, affection and devotion if you were just to find one.
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Susan Sarandon at age 65
I feel a special connection with Susan Sarandon. Not that I look anything like her nor do I share her movie-star lifestyle. I met her when I was doing some work at Miraval, Oprah’s favorite spa, in the hills north of Tucson, AZ. She was there for a week with her daughter. We chatted a bit in the women’s changing room after our individual spa treatments. She was warm, gracious and down to earth — even dressed in only a bathrobe!
She appeared in this week’s People Magazine. In the article, she discusses many topics. I was fascinated by her comments on sexiness at age 65. Of course she doesn’t look how most of us would think 65 looks. Must be those Miraval spa treatments!
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When one has been single and dating around for a while, it’s easy to make life choices around that single status. When you don’t have a sweetie, it’s hard to think in terms of “us” and “we” since that isn’t your current situation.
Yet if you are actively seeking a partner you want to make decisions that will be inclusive of having someone regularly in your life.
[click to continue…]
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After swimming in the dating pool for a while, you begin to wonder why some people even say they are “swimming” too. They behave in ways that show they are still on the pond banks, even though they’re acting like they are in the pool.
What do these behaviors look like?
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