He is smart, funny, charming, good looking, worldly, educated, successful, a sharp dresser, good listener and conversationalist. He tells you what you long to hear. He is vulnerable with you and you with him. His kisses and caresses make you feel what you haven’t felt in a long, long time. He tells you how sexy and adorable you are, and how much he misses being with you.

You met through business, not online, so you know he’s not a player.

Yet there are things about him that on paper would be deal breakers.
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I dated a sweet man who grew up in an African village. He came to the US at age 19 to go to school.

I loved hearing his stories of growing up in his village, living in mud huts, bathing in the nearby river, gathering water from a pond, making fire from sticks and moss, walking miles to sell eggs and chickens at the market, and other examples of a life I couldn’t imagine. He regaled me with his tribe’s welcome-to-manhood ceremony and other rites of passage.

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Keeping it 100

January 12, 2020

The phrase “keeping it 100” comes from “keeping it 100% real,” meaning being 100% honest. It’s shorthand for no BS, don’t tell me what you think I want to hear, tell me the unvarnished truth. Don’t hold back. I decided to try this with a man while we were exploring going from pals to more. […]

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Appreciating *Who* He Is Over *What* He Is

January 6, 2020

A man may enter your life who does not hold the work title or financial status you are seeking. But he’s a good man. He is honest, has integrity, treats you respectfully, listens to you, and is accommodating to your desires. The “what” is his profession. The “who” is his character, values and behavior.

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“You Do You”

December 31, 2019

It’s commonly said that women try to change their man into someone more to their ideal. Men, however, are afraid women will change, as they like what they have. Not that a man can’t wish a woman was a better cook, was more punctual, neater, or had other habits he liked. But (generally) he won’t […]

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What’s Your “Need for Affiliation”?

September 16, 2019

Agal pal shared with me the concept of people having different needs for affiliation — how much “people contact” they need. As you would guess, some have a very low need for affiliation — someone like the Unabomber who is content to live like a hermit with human contact only a few times a year, […]

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10 Tips for Successful Dating Over 40

October 28, 2018

You’ve been single for a while. You would like to have a special man in your life. But how? Women reentering the dating scene after a long absence need to first examine if they are ready to date again. After all, not only is there the possibility of being swept off your feet by a […]

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Long-Distance Dating Pros and Cons

October 14, 2018

Some people set no distance requirements on potential suitors. One Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 reader shared she was romanced by a guy half way around the world for over two years! (They never met and he went poof one day.) Other people have ridiculously short distance requirements. Some men list 10 miles as […]

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“Are You Man Enough To Be My Man?”

September 26, 2018

This can be a common thought for powerful, successful, midlife dating women. It was expressed by Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 reader Diamond in a question to me:             I’ve been in business my whole life. A friend’s mother shared this advice just prior to my running off to meet what I thought […]

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Is he emotionally abusive?

July 29, 2015

She said he has given her a 2-week probation to decide if he wanted to stay or go.

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When your ex dies

July 2, 2015

My ex learned he had cancer 2 years ago. Since we didn’t keep in touch, I learned of it a year ago. He did semi-weekly podcasts for a few dozen friends to update them on his health. I listened to the previous 100 podcasts before reaching out via email. He said he was thrilled to […]

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