• The charming San Jose Mercury News writer Erik Olvera featured the Dating Goddess in his Jan. 21, ’07 article, “Back in the game: Rules have changed, those returning to dating find.” He even says, “The Dating Goddess … has become a dating guru for fiftysomethings.” Read the article. He even used her ideas in his sidebar, “Tips and tidbits for dating.”
• In the May 27, ’07 San José Mercury News, I was quoted in an article on “Summer’s Worth of Dates: 13 Places to go for Romantic Rendezvous.” The reporter, Mark de la Vina, has interviewed me for other articles, so we began by exploring why so many people’s primary idea for a date seems to be dinner and a movie. In “Midlife men have forgotten how to date” I share my perspective on why people don’t seem to be creative about their date activity choices.
• 4/28/07 Want a guy? Come to San Jose By Jeff Thomas
Single men of the South Bay, you have an unlikely new best friend.
Say hello to Oprah!
Her TV show Friday featured a new survey ranking the best U.S. cities for women over 35 to find a guy. San Jose came in No. 1, beating out those other well-known romantic hot spots Salt Lake City and Arlington, Texas.
So iron your best pair of khakis, gentlemen! Because if Oprah’s Midas-like effect on pretty much anything she mentions holds true, there soon will be a stampede westward that rivals 1849. Only this time, there will be waves of single women instead of bearded men carrying pickaxes.
The research, by Men’s Health magazine and presented on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” by the magazine’s editor, Dave Zinczenko, looked at U.S. Census and other research in six categories: ratio of single men to single women, fitness, philanthropy, divorce rates, education and the “thrill factor” – high-energy activities like kayaking and biking.
San Jose ranked first in singles ratio, fitness and thrill factor. (Interestingly, the magazine did not rank housing costs, length of work week or traffic congestion.)
The city didn’t do as well in philanthropy (No. 79) or education (No. 19). So even though there may be a lot of single guys here, they’re not quite as bright as, say, Seattleites (No. 1 in education), or all that generous (New York was tops in giving). The survey subtracted points from cities with high populations of gay men, although San Francisco still ranked fifth overall because of high scores in other areas.
The worst place overall? As if the dealing with the Lake Effect and the Bills weren’t enough, Buffalo, N.Y., claims the bottom of the list, limping in at No. 101.
Compared with that, the Valley of Heart’s Delight presents an appealing case. As MensHealth.com put it:
“There are plenty … to choose from in this diverse city, where residents speak more than 52 languages. The men stay in shape, too. On any of the more than 300 sunny days a year, you’ll spot muscular guys in the well-maintained public parks and on the numerous hiking and biking trails. Great weather and hot, successful men – what more could you ask for?”
A single, 35-year-old San Jose man who e-mailed about the survey results brought up a caveat to swimming in the beyond-20s dating pool.
“If you meet someone interesting, and she is over 30,” wrote Matt Dullaghan, “she starts planning the day and naming the kids already. I am certainly not opposed to getting married and having kids, I just don’t want to do it tomorrow.”
On the TV show Friday, Zinczenko reeled off the virtues of San Jose as a few video clips of local street scenes played. When he suggested that guys here “make a good living,” Oprah chimed in, “They got a job.”
It may not be surprising that there is a surplus of men in San Jose, it being the heart of the male-dominated high-tech industry. (Although the disparity is not as large as one might think – there are 15,450 more men than women in San Jose between the ages of 35 and 49, out of a total of 219,834 people in that age range, according to 2005 U.S. Census statistics.)
The Dating Goddess, an author and speaker who writes a blog (www.datinggoddess.com) about dating after 40, says there are indeed plenty of guys out there, although many are of a particular ilk. She said women have to be willing to be assertive with the sometimes introverted engineer-types.
“In the Valley, you must like pasty white, geeky guys, with lots of brain and little social skill,” she said. “Of course, I stereotype! There are many men … who claim to like biking, rock climbing, kayaking, as well as book reading. But many also work 80 hours a week because they love coding. I’ve dated dozens of Silicon Valley types and love their intellect.”
So ladies, go ahead and book your plane tickets to San Jose. Just make sure to brush up on those BlackBerry skills.