In a recent NY Times article “Is It Over? Log on and See,” journalist Melena Ryzik explores how many young people don’t know their partner has broken up with them until they see his/her MySpace status changed to “single.” She points out that the status change often quickly follows a spat — but sometimes it’s too quickly. Sometimes within hours. And the other is shocked at the seeming finality.
However, sometimes the status change is noted before a spat or breakup. Ouch! One date told me he learned his girlfriend considered herself single when her profile appeared in his matches on Yahoo! Personals. While he’d hidden his profile and cancelled his membership, he still received a weekly list of matches. She showed up. He decided to do a little sleuthing so started another profile with a new identity. He emailed her, only to learn that she said she had broken up with her last boyfriend (him) and was now single. Interesting that she was still accepting his date invitations and hadn’t bothered to tell him she was breaking up!
My experience is few men (and I hear women, too) make a clean break. Many just stop emailing and/or calling after a few dates. While this isn’t officially “breaking up” as we were never really going together, it does make me scratch my head. I’m told that men don’t want to hurt a woman’s feelings by telling her outright it’s not a match. And they think disappearing is better? I’ve also been told they want to avoid any possible drama — yelling, crying, etc. — because, in a man pal’s words, “Men are cowards.” Of course, I understand women are often cowards, too.
So if you know you don’t want to see him again, have the class and courage to just tell him you don’t think you two are a fit and wish him well.