Dating takes time

I continue to be surprised when people don’t seem to understand that dating takes time. It takes hours to sort through potential matches, contact them, email and talk on the phone. Then there’s an hour to meet them, if just for coffee. Dinner is 2-3 hours. A hike or bike ride, movie, theater, concert, dancing, etc., is many hours. Yet some of the guys I’ve talked to seem to have already over-full schedules with work, kids, friends, hobbies, working out, etc. So when do they think they’ll have time to develop a relationship?

I dated a guy for 6 weeks who rarely made time to see me during the week, even though he worked less than a mile from me. When I’d suggest he come over after work for a drink or dinner, he rarely accepted, saying he was too tired and just wanted to crash. Early on, he made it clear that Friday nights were boy’s night, and Sat. day he did his home chores and errands. Sunday he spent with his daughter and Sunday night he prepped for his work week. Which left Sat. night. Period.

So how did he expect to develop a relationship in a few hours a week? He multitasked his phone calls during his commuting, so when he arrived at his destination the conversation ended. There was little consideration, I learned, for what I wanted. What if I wanted to see him during the week, go to a concert, movie, or just hang out? Too bad. We played by his rules or not at all.

Be honest with yourself — how much time each week are you willing to devote to finding and developing a love interest? Do you think you can just float into a relationship at your whim? That might be fine for those who just want a casual relationship or a booty call, but for someone looking for something long-term, it rarely works.

And if he isn’t willing to invest some time, notice that early on and move on.