Sweetie-less on Valentine’s Day

This can be a difficult time of year for those who don’t have a main squeeze. And if you’ve just begun to date someone, Valentine’s Day can be awkward, as you aren’t yet each other’s valentine. So what to do?

Last year, in “Dateless for Valentine’s?” I discussed how you can show yourself you’re loved. So let’s take the second scenario — you have just begun dating someone, but it would seem forced to pretend to be all lovey-dovey just because of this holiday focused on love.

Your guy may feel some pressure to go all out just because of the date on the calendar. If you feel it would be awkward to go to a romantic, expensive dinner when you aren’t yet certain you are even into each other, then let him take the lead. He may suggest a low-key dinner at a casual dining spot, or some other casual activity. Or he might just send a card or even ignore it all together.

If he does the latter this is no call to get upset. He probably feels it would be awkward to act like you’re more of a couple than you are, and he may not know what is appropriate. So just go with the flow.

However, if he suggests something that you think is more romantic than you’re feeling toward him — like an overnight at a B&B — then be sure to tell him it’s too soon. Even a suggestion of an expensive romantic dinner may be too much if you’ve only had coffee or casual dates so far. On the other hand, this may be his way of saying he wants to kick it up a notch. But I’d rather see this behavior initiated by him unrelated to an arbitrary calendar date.

So if he invites you to something you think would be more appropriate down the road, thank him for his thoughtfulness and generosity and suggest that his idea would be perfect for a month from now when you’ve gotten to know each other better. Suggest you’d like to see him that day (if you would) and would it be okay with him if you …. (suggest something similar in intensity to what you’ve been doing together).

Now this may seem controlling to some men, but many others will breathe a sign of relief that you aren’t expecting some big woo-fest when your relationship doesn’t warrant that yet.

This week I have five guys in various stages of the romance pipeline. None have asked about Valentine’s Day, as I’ve seen none of them more than 2 times. It’s a moot point, as I’ll be at a conference that evening, but it will be interesting to see if anyone even asks. If one does, I’ll have a conversation about celebrating in a low-key way.

(If you find yourself alone on Valentine’s Day, see last year’s post, “You are loved!“)






3 responses to “Sweetie-less on Valentine’s Day”

  1. nysharon Avatar

    Welcome back DG. Missed you.
    This year I scheduled a guitar lesson for my daughter that night just to be busy and will take her out after for dinner.
    I am past date 2 with the guy who works in my building (the bad speller, remember?) I can’t believe how nice he is and how much we have in common. He texted me today and spelled ‘tomorrow” correct! LOL We talked about how the timing is good for us both this time. Anyway, I just picked up a benign valentine card just to have something for him in case. Since we have known each other from the gym and work, it has been very comfortable but I still am too busy on Valentine’s day.

  2. Rodney Avatar

    My gf and I have been together for two years, but I hate “manufactured” celebrations of love like Valentine’s Day. I feel obligated to acknowledge the event, but I dont think one day should be any different than another when showing you care about someone. I sorta feel like Valentines was invented by the card/chocolate/flower companies to remind absent-minded men that they need to show a little extra attention at least once a year… but mostly for those companies to make money of course.

    I gave her several small things this year, but the one she liked most was homemade and cost me nothing but time and a little creativity. Go figure.

    ps Welcome back, DG.

  3. Kim Avatar

    Thanks for this great website. It is honest and inspiring. The History Channel has a fun video of the history of Valentine’s Day, http://www.history.com/minisites/valentine/. As for me, I ordered some flowers for delivery on the 13th–even wrote myself a nice card. Usually, I’m more practical and buy the day after Valentine’s for a very reduced cost. My first year after my divorce, I signed a contract to have my house tented on Valentine’s day. It seemed a little strange–but again very practical. All the best.