Sweetie-less on Valentine’s Day

This can be a difficult time of year for those who don’t have a main squeeze. And if you’ve just begun to date someone, Valentine’s Day can be awkward, as you aren’t yet each other’s valentine. So what to do?

Last year, in “Dateless for Valentine’s?” I discussed how you can show yourself you’re loved. So let’s take the second scenario — you have just begun dating someone, but it would seem forced to pretend to be all lovey-dovey just because of this holiday focused on love.

Your guy may feel some pressure to go all out just because of the date on the calendar. If you feel it would be awkward to go to a romantic, expensive dinner when you aren’t yet certain you are even into each other, then let him take the lead. He may suggest a low-key dinner at a casual dining spot, or some other casual activity. Or he might just send a card or even ignore it all together.

If he does the latter this is no call to get upset. He probably feels it would be awkward to act like you’re more of a couple than you are, and he may not know what is appropriate. So just go with the flow.

However, if he suggests something that you think is more romantic than you’re feeling toward him — like an overnight at a B&B — then be sure to tell him it’s too soon. Even a suggestion of an expensive romantic dinner may be too much if you’ve only had coffee or casual dates so far. On the other hand, this may be his way of saying he wants to kick it up a notch. But I’d rather see this behavior initiated by him unrelated to an arbitrary calendar date.

So if he invites you to something you think would be more appropriate down the road, thank him for his thoughtfulness and generosity and suggest that his idea would be perfect for a month from now when you’ve gotten to know each other better. Suggest you’d like to see him that day (if you would) and would it be okay with him if you …. (suggest something similar in intensity to what you’ve been doing together).

Now this may seem controlling to some men, but many others will breathe a sign of relief that you aren’t expecting some big woo-fest when your relationship doesn’t warrant that yet.

This week I have five guys in various stages of the romance pipeline. None have asked about Valentine’s Day, as I’ve seen none of them more than 2 times. It’s a moot point, as I’ll be at a conference that evening, but it will be interesting to see if anyone even asks. If one does, I’ll have a conversation about celebrating in a low-key way.

(If you find yourself alone on Valentine’s Day, see last year’s post, “You are loved!“)