We can call it commitment phobia. But before we label it, let’s examine it. I’d bet it has happened to nearly all of us at one time or another. You meet someone terrific, and he feels similarly. You date for a while — months or even years. You say you are committed to each other,…
Dating chemistry
How does your parents’ relationship affect yours?
Our parents are often our role models for relationships, for better or worse. No matter how much I rejected my parents’ toxic relationship as a template, I’m sure messages of how a couple treats one another were deeply embedded in my psyche. Today would have been my mother’s 83rd birthday. When my mother was a…
Are you a dating “hypertaster”?
You are thinking, “What is DG talking about? What the heck is a hypertaster? And what can it possibly do with dating?” Let me explain. Yesterday, I had a fabulous day at Copia, the American center for wine, food and the arts in Napa, CA. Being a self-admitted wine dolt, I spent the day taking…
Do you treat him like a friend?
“Love and friendship exclude each other.” —Jean de la Bruyere Common wisdom is that long-term relationships are based on solid friendship. I agree. But I do ponder where is the line between how you’d treat a friend and how you treat your beau. For example, with my very best friends I can talk about anything….
Are you ready to pick a guy?
A former beau and I had an email conversation today. He saw my profile again listed on a few dating sites and asked what was happening. I explained about the meltdown and he suggested we should get back together. I tried to reply pleasantly, but still let him know I’m not interested in him romantically….
Do you infantilize your guy?
Infantilize: Treat (someone) as a child or in a way that denies their maturity in age or experience. In “Does he want a ‘mommy’?” we discussed how some men want a woman who will take care of them. Let’s talk about the flip side — women who treat the midlife man they’re dating (or married…
Are you his spare?
For a few weeks a gal pal was exchanging flirty emails multiple times a day with a an online match. He then suggested they have dinner and she countered that she was more comfortable with lunch. They continued their multiple-per-day email flirting a few more weeks, but he never again brought up getting together. She…
Should you respond to someone about whom you’re ambivalent?
You receive a nice, personalized email from a man on a dating site. He’s crafted an message specific to you, commenting on items from your profile. His profile is fine, but something is a borderline deal breaker. You vacillate whether to respond with your nice boilerplate “Thanks but no thanks” email, or to encourage more…
The power of appreciation in dating
Many years ago I heard a speaker state that 95% of communication in a romantic relationship should be acknowledgment. In other words, most of what you say to each other should be positive, complimentary and affirmative of the other. This made me look at my own communication with my then husband. I didn’t track the…
Slow down, you move too fast
Yesterday, I spent time with a colleague I hadn’t seen in a long time. I knew he had been online dating so was interested in an update. He had decided to run his dating life similarly to how he runs his business. He’d troll for suitable prospects on dating sites, then send an email to…
Does he “get” you?
The dictionary has many meanings for the word “get.” This discussion is about the informal term for “understand.” But I think “get” goes beyond just understanding. My friend author/speaker Larry Winget gave me a high compliment one day: “You’re one of the few people who really get me” he said after a conversation about his…