The dictionary has many meanings for the word “get.” This discussion is about the informal term for “understand.” But I think “get” goes beyond just understanding.
My friend author/speaker Larry Winget gave me a high compliment one day: “You’re one of the few people who really get me” he said after a conversation about his work and life philosophy.
A colleague and I were discussing how some colleagues were misinterpreting my motivations for an action. He said, “They don’t really get you.”
We all want a mate who understands us and “gets” us. While “understand” and “get” are used interchangeably, many of us interpret “get” with a deeper meaning. In discussing this with my friend Ken, I shared that a distinction for me is if understanding is followed by action, then s/he “gets” it/me. In other words, if someone “gets” you they show it in some action.
In the examples above, Larry felt I “got” him because I could discuss his work and his ultimate motivations and philosophies behind why he does what he does. My colleagues didn’t “get” me because they misinterpreted my motivations negatively.
Here’s another example. I know my favorite auntie likes to talk to me every two weeks. I could simply let her call me every other week. But I “get” her, so I put it on my calendar to call her every other week. She is delighted to hear from me and knows I’m thinking of her and want to show her I care.
My sweetie “gets” me like no man before him. A little example: He knows it’s important for me that we make contact each day, so he sends me a “Good morning, Goddess” email for me to read first thing. I respond, as I know it’s important for him to hear from me as well. And we talk at least once to check in. Sometimes I send him a “Good morning” email before I go to bed so he’ll have a message from me when he awakens. We are learning how to show the other we “get” them.
I think “getting” someone takes time. “Getting” someone can include learning what they like, how they think, what motivates them, what their wounds and triggers are, and what actions show you care. In “Do you love how he loves you?” we explored how to discuss how you show and feel love. When you “get” someone you’re dating, you work to give them what that will make them happy and reduce the actions that will trigger sadness or upset.
What is the distinction of “get” for you? How do you know if the guy you’re dating “gets” you? And how do you know if you “get” him?
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