We can call it commitment phobia. But before we label it, let’s examine it. I’d bet it has happened to nearly all of us at one time or another. You meet someone terrific, and he feels similarly. You date for a while — months or even years. You say you are committed to each other,…
Real deal or faux beau
The working date
I was interviewed yesterday by a Wall Street Journal reporter on the concept of working dates. Does this mean you bring your date to work, as you would bring a son or daughter on those “bring your kid to work” days? Does it mean you agree to have a date where you do chores around…
Learning about male magnetism from … rats
Perhaps you’ve lived this common scenario: You’ve dated a guy a few times. You hit it off and enjoy each other a lot. You feel great around him. He treats you well when you’re together. However, he calls unpredictably, emails periodically, and you see him only sporadically. If you call him, it may take him…
Do you treat him like a friend?
“Love and friendship exclude each other.” —Jean de la Bruyere Common wisdom is that long-term relationships are based on solid friendship. I agree. But I do ponder where is the line between how you’d treat a friend and how you treat your beau. For example, with my very best friends I can talk about anything….
Do you give your date grace?
I mean grace in this sense: mercy, clemency, lenience, pardon, consideration, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, courteous goodwill. At the beginning of any relationship, there are ups and downs. In “What’s your date’s score on the Delight/Disappointment Scale?” I discuss how you want to notice when your date delights and disappoints you. The point is not to…
When he tells you he loves you
You’ve been dating a guy for a little while — no more than a month. You get along great, enjoy your time together, and perhaps have had a sleepover (or two). But you’re just getting to know each other, and you aren’t even sure if you’re interested in him long-term, although you enjoy his company….
Is his toothbrush in your cabinet too soon?
Does the guy you’re dating leave personal items at your place — without asking? Two men have done this at my house. The latest was after a second sleepover, but unbeknownst to me. During his third visit I asked if he wanted a toothbrush or if he brought one. He said, “I left one here…
Does your guy have friends?
A guy’s friends — or lack thereof — tells you a lot about him. After you’ve dated a guy a time or two, mentions of his friends often waft into the conversation. When you hear him talk about both male and female friends, it is a good sign — at least it can be, depending…
Does he share your POV?
POV — That’s film-industry shorthand for “point of view shot.” When the camera shows what a character sees, that’s their POV. We see the scene through their eyes. Wouldn’t it be great if we could occasionally see our date’s POV? To access his perspective, how he sees things? And wouldn’t you like to share your…
Ignore dating rule #1 at your peril
Rule #1 actually applies to life, not just dating. It earned its exalted status as #1 during a family reunion. It was day two of the three-day reunion. Already those with “strong” (e.g., obnoxious) personalities were starting to get to some of us. A handful of us met for breakfast just to have some non-irritating…
Expressing your upset with your guy
When conflict occurs in a personal relationship, it’s easy to blame the other. In my communication seminars I teach a 4-step method* for telling someone you’re upset with something they’ve done or said. The second step is “Express how you feel.” We give the participants the sentence stem, “When you …, I feel ….” Even…