Disposable dating

by Dating Goddess on December 13, 2006

We live in a disposable society, where instead of fixing something, it is often easier and cheaper to throw it out and get a new one. Sometimes it appears this applies to dating as well.

With Internet dating, there seems to be a steady supply of potential suitors. Even if you don’t get contacted frequently, you can always search by your criteria and email as many men as you want. And some will respond.

So rather than trying to “fix” a budding relationship with frank talks, it seems much easier to just throw it out and get a new one. No fuss, no muss. Start anew. Get a fresh model.

When one depended on meeting someone at work, the gym, through mutual activities or friends, people seemed to work a bit harder on relationship hiccups. Now that your love life can change with the click of a mouse, people are more inclined to jettison someone who isn’t initially a fit. I know I’ve done this, reasoning why waste time trying to “fix” someone who doesn’t want to be fixed. Move on to someone who’s closer to what you’re looking for.

recycleI’ve moved on from all the men I’ve dated so far. I’ve recycled them back into the dating bin for another woman to discover. Just as garage sales are full of junk for the seller and treasures for the right buyer, so is the dating pool. Just because he’s not right for you doesn’t mean he won’t be perfect for another.

So while I believe in working on relationships that have a great deal of potential, I also believe in recycling — men!

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

traci December 13, 2006 at 2:41 am

Oh my, that sounds tiring! I certainly don’t have your dating energy . . . ;o)

Mitsy December 13, 2006 at 7:22 am

I have talked about this philosophy many times on other dating discussion boards. I call it the “kid in the candy store” mentality. That is what online dating seems to be for a lot of men (and probably women too). When things don’t click right away with someone, or there is some misunderstanding in the beginning, many are quick to toss the person back and go find another potential date online. That is the reality of online dating. It can be a plus if you get really burned by someone and decide to go back to the dating pool online or it can make a woman feel very “disposable” if the guy starts to lose interest.

What I have found with my almost 2 years of online dating is that many men do not have lives that allow them to have a regular dating life. I continue to meet men who have demanding jobs or jobs that require them to work 7-8 days in a row or possibly be “on call”. I have worked 2 jobs myself for many years, but I DO make time to date. Also, living in a pretty rural area, many guys I might find appealing live quite a ways away. I keep hearing that long-distance relationships can work, but I continue to have my doubts. I think guys think long and hard about whether they want to drive an hour or more to see someone–the odds of it being such an attraction that they will make the effort on a long-term basis are not in the woman’s favor.

I have also found it difficult to try to date a guy who has only been out of his long-term relationship a couple months. This is what I’m currently experiencing plus the fact that he lives 130 miles from me. He tells me when his ex calls and actually got upset with me for questioning if the ex wanted him back. Although he says he does not want her back, I’m not very reassured by his response. Me thinks he has not been away from her long enough and I’m gunshy about getting hurt again. So, I find myself in a quandry. He seems like a neat guy in all other ways, but I continue to see the red flag of the ex who might not ever go away.

Liz December 13, 2006 at 11:21 am

I do not find that many men who are matches. I am signed up on some dating websites, and lots of men write to me, but most of these men are too far removed from me on social issues, politics, education, spirituality, and other issues. I do NOT view relationships as disposable because I am very particular about whom I start a relationship with in the first place. I also tend to remain friends with men that I have dated.

Now before somebody comments that I should not require that dates match me on social, political, and spiritual issues, let me explain that I DO NOT require that they agree with me on these issues. But they can’t be my polar opposite either!!

By the way, I never consider the dating to be online or on the web. That is simply how I have met some people. If you meet a potential mate in a hardware store, is your relationship then ‘hardware store dating’ for its duration?

Mitsy December 13, 2006 at 2:47 pm

I think the thing about online dating is that it is sometimes easier for men to discard someone after they have met them only a few times because there’s always someone better online. I call it the “kid in the candy store” way of thinking. That mentality is a lot different than just meeting someone in W-Mart or in a hardware store. Meeting people through real life connections and through other people usually causes people to make a bit more effort in getting to know someone – or at least that has been the case for me.

Online dating is good for meeting more people than you might would in a normal real-life setting, but I will continue to believe that online dating is for thick-skinned people who can take it when the guy doesn’t call again or when they ignore your e-mails. The computer age has certainly not helped people in the manners dept. It’s just too easy to say “next” with so many profiles to view.

Gatti December 19, 2006 at 1:54 am

Your comments, Mitsy, were thought provoking relating to my own situation. I too live in a rural area and am attempting internet dating for the second time. Because of my own time and money restraints I’ve decided to limit dates to about a 100 mile distance (unless there are compelling factors that would change that, have to be somewhat flexible!).

After a few dates I’m beginning to see more clearly just who I am and what I want in another person. My personality has a lot of facets, I could fit into a lot of different situations, but choosing what is important for the long haul is interesting. For example, one fellow is probably a decent match on emotional and interest issues, but I have serious doubts about political and social issues. I guess I have to keep on dating to get some more perspective on this, dating as a form of self discovery!

Mitsy December 19, 2006 at 8:50 am

The one guy (who has not been away from his ex but a couple months) continues to call me, but I find myself frustrated with his e-mails that poke some fun at my own political beliefs. I am “left of center”, he is “right of center”, but we come together in the middle on many issues and I am continually telling him that I’m an issues-based person.

However, instead of calling me during the day, he sends these stupid e-mail joke type paragraphs instead of picking up the phone and calling me. I have a toll free number at work and due to the holiday break, it is dead in my office. I am confused as to what this guy wants in our “relationship”. I have only met him once, but due to work and the holidays coming up, we probably will not see each other again until after the first of the year. I don’t like “mind games” if that is what he’s doing. I don’t want to put all my eggs in his basket at this point. If we can draw things out more, maybe I will feel more assured that things are really over with he and the ex.

I SOOOO hate the uncertaint of things when you are in the early stages of getting to know someone. If I had a lot of options, as far as dating goes, I might not get too worked up at times over things, but I am finding myself on pins and needles once again with online dating.

Gatti December 19, 2006 at 3:20 pm

Dunno, Mitsy, I’m not getting a real positive picture of this guy and whatever the relationship is that you’re having. Sending silly messages instead of calling and talking. I know that one, I had a bit of a thing going with a local guy, a friend of a friend, and I kept getting these mixed messages from him.

When he would come over to my friend’s place or into the shop where I work parttime I always got a good feeling, and had the feeling he liked me too, but my friend said he was quite shy. When I moved here to the village I invited him over for coffee and to see my house and finally he managed it (he works two jobs and has strange hours). We would send funny text messages, it was nice. Talked about eventually going to the theatre or something together.

But I kept getting mixed messages. Was he interested in me as a date, or a potential serious relationship, the dreaded “friends with benefits” or what??? I had a sinking feeling it was the latter, but when I said that we should be friends he seemed a bit miffed.

The whole thing sort of went off the boil and now I barely hear from him. It annoys me a bit.

But…if he couldn’t get his thumb out and ask me out on some sort of proper date, then how do I know where I stand and sorry, it’s his loss, I’m very worth it.

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