In an interview with Gail Sheehy about her book Sex & The Seasoned Woman she talks about having “a pilot-light lover — a transitional figure who comes into a mid-life woman’s life and reawakens her excitement about sex and love. He usually doesn’t last. He’s not a keeper, but she has to celebrate his role in her life because he makes her feel womanly again. Then she’s ready for the next phase.”
Mine was not a pilot-light lover, but someone who reminded me that I was still sexy and desirable. Four months after my ex left I was still reeling from the pain of feeling discarded. I’d thought we had a loving, passionate relationship so his leaving left me doubting my view of the world and myself.
At a party with colleagues, in walked a tall drink of water. Good looking and athletic, I hadn’t seen him before. I was drawn to him immediately. As luck would have it, he took the chair next to me so we began to chat.
He was smart, funny, and seemed focused only on me. He knew of me, although I didn’t know him, so he discussed my work and accomplishments. I was flattered to get this much attention from such a good-looking, charming guy. We openly flirted. The conversations and images of those around us faded until it felt that it was just the two of us in the room.
After a while, all the guests crowded into the living room to sing happy birthday. I made a short detour so when I arrived no seats were left. He motioned for me to share his chair. It felt so wonderful to be so close to a sexy, attentive man that I didn’t want to get up even though it was extremely uncomfortable balancing on a small chair with him.
We talked for hours. By the end of the day I was enamored. His long, delicious good-bye hug made me sure he’d call me within 24 hours. He didn’t. When he did call, he asked me for some business advice. I saw that he was not interested in me romantically, but only as a business pal. I’d deluded myself that this 10-year-younger man was a potential beau. Now we are good friends and continue our flirting, as well as share dating stories.
I am grateful for him rekindling a passion that I’d let hibernate after my marriage broke up. As I got to know him, I saw we wouldn’t make a good couple. But fantasizing about him helped ignite my pilot light.
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