Yesterday a friend called: “I have a new lesson about dating.” She’s been dating longer than I have so I was interested in what new wisdom she’d gleaned. “Spill,” I demanded. “Before you get too involved with someone make sure you go to his home. If he doesn’t have you over, he may have another woman in the picture.” Sigh. It is true.
I dated a man for 6 months who refused to have me to his house. His excuse was plausible, although strange. He was living is a very small mother-in-law quarters while his house was being remodeled. It was used for storage so had just a path between boxes and stacked furniture to get to his bed the bathroom and the kitchen. While I protested that I didn’t care, he was adamant that he didn’t want me to see it because it was such a mess. Hmm. And perhaps because of women’s clothing in the closet?
There were no other indications of another woman, so I tolerated this situation until it — and other strange behaviors — made me call it quits.
My friend’s lesson came from a male friend of hers. For the last month she’d been dating a wonderful man, someone she was excited about and could see a future with. A week ago they were supposed to get together at his house, but he called and cancelled the date using a flimsy excuse. That was the last time she heard from him, when previously he had called every day. When lamenting to her pal, he explained how some men operate. Luckily, I think it is very few men, but there are those who are into the game.
It is a good lesson. If he doesn’t invite you to his house within the 5th or 6th date (assuming you’ve invited him to yours), something is up. It may not be another woman, but an obsessive “privateness” or no interest in taking the relationship deeper.