I was lamenting — OK, complaining — to a male friend the other day about how men have double standards. They want someone who is “slim, fit, athletic, toned” when they themselves have not seen the inside of a gym or done any physical activity for years. I am always surprised when I meet a man who has described himself as “athletic” or “toned” and he is 40 pounds overweight.
However, he doesn’t want a woman who is overweight. Let me ask you, how many middle-aged people do you know who don’t carry some extra weight? And how many women who have birthed children don’t carry some lingering weight, even if their kids are now adults?
As I ranted, I realized I, too, have double standards. While I have gone with men who were 40, 50, and 100 pounds overweight, I realized I am weightist. I have a second date with a great guy in a few days, but I admit I’m not physically attracted to him. Why? Because he’s 80-100 pounds overweight. He’s charming, educated, accomplished, fun, but I just can’t see myself in a lip-lock with him. I am who I complain about!
The opposite double standards can also apply in that a non-college-educated woman can desire only a college-educated man. Or a woman who doesn’t make a lot of money can want a man who does. Double standards abound. The question for you is “Am I setting a standard I don’t myself match? If so, why?”
Comments
One response to “Double standards”
Most humans and certainly most men are superficial in that they have false beliefs about what’s important yet, when they get to know someone, those priorities might change radically. Unfortunately, we often miss characteristics that we’d cherish since we don’t get close enought to see them.
More so, we’re programmed by mass media, entertainment and an educational system that, for the most part, does not teach us how to communicate deeply. Unfortunately, our kids are influenced by all three more than their parents who, by nature, have much to teach us individually since men and women are clearly wired differently.
Of course, we depend so much on what we see and illusion being what it is, we’re fooled way too much.
We lose when we don’t see what’s great about others; the saddest part is that we also fail to see what’s wonderful about ourselves. We actually put ourselves through the same silly microscope. Dating and relationships improve (in my opinion) by knowing what key characteristics and traits are deeply significant to us. This list probably shouldn’t contain more than five traits.
Great stuff in your blog Goddess.