Yes, ladies, after much research, I think I’ve found the answer to how to make a guy fall for you. This has been right in front of our noses for many, many years, and some women have already figured this out. How could I (and perhaps you) be so obtuse?
The secret has been flaunted in nearly every romantic movie we’ve seen in decades. I’ve noticed the pattern, but only after recently watching “A Good Year” on DVD did all the puzzle pieces fall into place.
Here it is. Are you ready?
Men fall for women who are mean to them at first.
Man (English, handsome, successful, but jerky) unknowingly runs woman (French, young, slender, beautiful, feisty) off the French country road on her bicycle. She finds him, extracts revenge by not helping him out of a sludge-filled, waterless and ladderless swimming pool in which he’s fallen. He is intrigued (while enjoying a peek up her dress from his vantage point). He seeks out woman in town, only to have her display her beautiful derriere in the public square to show him the bruise inflicted in her fall. Fast forward to her accepting a date with him, kissing in the rain, him giving up high-powered job in London to live on ancient estate in Provence with her.
See how simple? I reiterate the formula: be mean to men at first.
But wait — maybe this only works for handsome men. Or handsome, successful men. Would this work with average-looking guys? Well, it worked for Jack Nicholson in “As Good As it Gets.” He walked off with Helen Hunt, a nice catch. But wait, it was he who was mean to her. Drat. No parallel.
Or perhaps you have to be beautiful for this to work, as that is what we see in the movies. You never see an average-looking woman being mean to a guy and him falling for her. Do you? I can’t think of any.
See — it’s so simple. All a woman has to be is beautiful, then mean to the man, and easy as pie, he falls for her. So all we have to have is movie-star stunningness. Nothing thousands of dollars and countless face lifts, tummy tucks, liposuction, and personal trainers couldn’t buy, right? After all, what price love?
But wait again — darn, this is fiction. I keep forgetting this, since the messages are so pervasive in so many of our cultural forms: movies, plays, TV, novels. In real life, I know of no long term couples who began because she was mean to him. Or if she was, he was drawn to her hotness first. I’m sure there are some, I’m just saying the vast majority of people who are together didn’t start out with an adversarial tone. So I guess “Why Men Love Bitches” can’t be our theme.
(Sorry readers, I was feeling snarky today.)
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