Yesterday an author friend shared that she was doing hands-on research for a book by remodeling her own house. I thought “I’m doing ‘hands-on’ research myself — on dating!” Of course, sometimes the hands-on part is welcomed — sometimes not. 🙂
But what am I really researching?
First, I am researching what I want and don’t want in a man and a relationship. While you would think that you would be pretty clear about this, the truth is it takes some experimentation to really know. You have to be around different men to see what fits and what doesn’t.
Second, I am researching what makes men click. What works with them and what doesn’t? While men can be simple creatures, if you don’t fully understand what can go on in their heads, you will be frustrated.
Sometimes the research can be fun. Other times it can be tiresome, or even, although thankfully rare, painful. But with each experience you add to your research base and refine your skills. A researcher knows not every experiment will be a success, but she learns from each one, so you add to your knowledge base with each experience.
Have you been researching? If so, what have you learned? If not, get out there and start collecting date-a. 🙂
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As a long-time (now retired) veteran of online dating, I humbly suggest that what you are, in fact, researching is yourself.
Of course, along the way a smart cookie will invariably collect data on dating, too. But just as committed, monogamous relationships are a great forum for personal growth (kind of the master class, if you’re willing to do the work), the initial stages of a relationship will probably teach you more about yourself than the other person. After all, *you* are the constant factor…
Colleen, you are so right! Thanks for sharing your insights.