Hot sex and laughter

“The only reason to give another adult your house key is for laughter and hot sex.” —Regina Barreca, Ph.D.

Regina BarrecaDr. Barreca said this in the keynote speech she delivered Thursday. I thought it was priceless, as is she. She is an amazing, hilarious, intelligent, insightful, fabulous author and speaker. Her books include They Used to Call Me Snow White…But I Drifted, Too Much of a Good Thing Is Wonderful, and I’m With Stupid.

Gina, as I learned to call her during a half-hour one-on-one the night before her speech, has a unique perspective on the differences in the sexes.

Her point of view offered in the quote above shows she has boiled down our needs to be partnered to the basics: entertainment. Of course, “hot sex” could also imply procreation. But after that part of life has passed, it is indeed just entertainment — which doesn’t mean it isn’t great entertainment.

We can wax philosophical that our desire to share our lives with a romantic interest is to increase our satisfaction, overcome loneliness, acquire an activity partner, learn to love deeply, and create synergy. However, you can create these things largely with friends, so why look for someone to commit yourself to, especially in midlife when procreation is not an issue? Gina’s quote says we want a partner mainly for amusement.

In all fairness, I didn’t talk to her afterward so see if she felt there was more beyond this. I’ll send her this posting and see if she has a comment. So since we don’t know more about her ideas on this, we can right now only hear yours. What do you think about Gina’s comment and how it relates to your desires?

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3 responses to “Hot sex and laughter”

  1. Sassy Avatar

    I’m all for good sex, but I still am a believer that an emotional tie has to be there for me to feel fully happy with my relationship. And while I’m blessed with wonderful friends, that deeper tie with a partner (and good sex too) is what I truly deserve.

  2. Paulette Avatar

    No question he has to be entertaining, as do I. And sometimes the hot sex can be downright laughable, er, um, I mean entertaining also. However, for me, there’s more. He’s got to be a good sounding board for and champion of my personal growth and business ideas, as I would be for his. It’s not always so entertaining when you get to those areas. Activity partner – for sure, and yes, I agree with Sassy. The deeper emotional tie and great sex is what it’s about in addition to all that ongoing entertainment at various levels and forms. Bring it on!!

  3. Scott Avatar

    The key to a great quote is that it isn’t complete, it boils things down to the bare essentials, maybe a little beyond that point, so that you can see the deeper truth. I love this quote. To me, it means that you don’t want to find someone because you can’t or are afraid to be alone. It means you need to be a complete person, because the person that will have your house key can’t fix things in your life, only you can.

    Thanks for the thought, I’m going to pass it on to someone who’s having a rough time right now with relationships and who has pretty much decided she’ll never find that perfect man. Perhaps if we all had different expectations for what the other person could do for us in a relationship, we’d find it easier to find that “perfect” one.

    Lastly, I’d like to say that in order to laugh with another person as well as have hot sex with them, you probably need to have already formed a connections and/or emotional ties. If you feel comfortable enough around them to be vulnerable and goofy, and you share an intense connection that includes the bedroom, you should damn well give them a key. 🙂