One of you has called it quits. If it is him, you may harbor lingering hopes he’ll IM, text, email or call you. This delusion may last days, weeks, months, or even years. Even if you pulled the plug, you may secretly hope he’ll see the error of his ways and apologetically come back. So you keep his lines of contact open.
When you’re clear you’re done, however, you delete his roads to your heart. Depending on his preferred methods of communication, you begin to sever the ties.
- You delete him from your IM Buddy list and block contact.
- You remove him first from your speed dial, then from your cell phone list altogether.
- You erase any pictures of him on your cell phone.
- You take him off your email contact list.
- You may set up his email to go on your “bozo” list, automatically putting any future emails in your trash.
- If you found him on an online site, you remove him from your favorites, then block him from contacting you through the site.
- You put or throw away any snapshots you have of him.
- As discussed in “It’s moving day,” you give away any items he gave you that you don’t really want.
- If you have any of his belongings, you arrange to return them through a friend or mail, or donate them to charity.
You feel no sadness, remorse or delight when you take these actions. You are merely removing someone from your life with whom you desire no further contact. You don’t wish to be reminded of him, so don’t want to stumble upon his name in your address book or picture on your screen saver.
You’re creating space for someone wonderful to enter your life. The more you are surrounded by reminders of people who elicit hurt or sad feelings, the less space you have in your psyche for positive, loving feelings, which any new guy will pick up.
So know by cleaning out reminders of love gone awry you are making space for a wonderful new love.
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Comments
7 responses to “How you know you’re over a guy”
I burn his clothes.
I know this sounds weird, but I made a ceramic penis and put his name on it. I’m planning to take it outside and smash it with a hammer….. then it can match my smashed heart.
I made up a ceremony once: had a virgin (my 10-year old neighbor) burn his most touching gifts to me under a new moon. It was dorky, but satisfying.
Yes, it is psychically important to delete the number and addresses out of the databanks. Very final, very cleansing…
Hi DG,
Love the article. I’m done with guys in RL for good. Instead, I’m having fun with them OL and it’s the best decision I ever made. All the fun without the heartbreak or any of the commitment issues that always plagued my past relationships. I guess I’m a little odd, but I’m shy in RL and while I love my sense of humor and my quick wit, I hate my looks, so OL friendships work best for me as I get to show off my strong points and minimize my weak ones, which is always a plus as far as I’m concerned.
Oh and I sent all my ex’s stuff to Goodwill, I figured they could use it more than I could. 🙂
Best wishes from bookyone 🙂
Love the idea of smashing the ceramic penis. Wouldn’t want to accidently do any voodoo with that!
Funny story, I deleted a number off my cell phone of a guy who I had a fling with and then he blew me off. About 2 months later he sent me a pic message. I didn’t know who it was so I called the number and he answered. I said, who is this? He said Kevin, what did you delete my number from my phone? I said yes and nothing else:)
That is a lovely and hilarious story, nysharon. So perfect.