I’ve been invited to Paris by two guys. In fact, one guy asked me twice, 15 months apart, and I wasn’t even dating him the second time. And I had never dated the other guy.
I did not accept the invitations.
The first time, with the twice-asker, I had just been dating him a few weeks. On the third date, in early Dec., he said “Would you like to spend New Year’s in Paris?” Duh! Of course! However, at that late date there were no flights that would get us there and back in time for an unchangeable commitment I had.
The second invitation came from a colleague who has flirted with me — and I back — for years. He was going to Paris next month and would I like to join him? While the invitation was enticing to accompany someone who visited Paris often so would know where to go and what to see, I’m not that fond of him enough to pal around with him for days on end. He can have a grating personality that can get old fast. Although I’d insist on separate rooms, he can be forceful and I didn’t want to spend a week fending him off.
The third invitation came when I spent the evening with my old beau at a bar with some of his friends. They were organizing a cruise through Europe with a week in Paris. He asked “Do you want to come with me?” While I’d love to go, I knew that to go as friends would be problematic. He’d want to spend the days together — and would probably try to spend at least one night. While I like him in short spurts, he is hard to take in long spells. And he’d insist on paying for dinners, etc., even if I tried to pay for my own. Then I’m afraid I’d feel obligated to spend more time with him than I’d enjoy.
One friend said “Why not just go and enjoy it? He even offered to pay!”
Because if I did, I’d be sending mixed signals, one that I just want to be friends, and secondly that if I accept his generosity, he’ll expect certain boyfriend privileges. I’m not willing to do that. That is akin to being a prostitute in my mind.
So the bottom line is: no Paris with these guys. But I like that the invitations were offered, so when I’ve found Mr. Right and he asks, I’ll say yes for the right reasons. Don’t sell out your principles just for an exotic trip.