It’s been said ad nauseam that dating is like job hunting. The online profile is the application, the first emails and call the screening process, the first date the initial interview, the second and subsequent dates are additional interviews. Following this metaphor, I guess you only get “offered the job” when you decide to be exclusive with your partner.
There are flaws in this parallel, of course, but a glaring one is the application process. Not only isn’t all the information you want provided in an online profile, it is sometimes incorrect, just like in some resumés. However, we have to serve as our own fact checker.
What if we were to create our own relationship resumé to post on a web site, or to send or hand to potential dates?
One friend has a lengthy web page fleshing out many questions woman have wanted to know about him, from his relationship history, to philosophy on money, kids, sex, politics, religion, grooming, etc. He sends the URL to any woman wanting to know about him.
My friend George did a similar thing with his “Disclaimer” (“Sharing your dating disclaimer“) which he shared with women before getting intimate.
A relationship resumé is slightly different than the Boyfriend Application discussed in “Boyfriend application to go with job description.” An application tells the “employer” what s/he wants to know about the applicant. But a resumé tells the “employer” what you want him/her to know.
What would you put in your relationship resumé — and want in someone else’s? Here are a few items off the top of my head.
- Relationship goal: LTR? Casual dating? Casual intimacy?
- Age (real age, not “what I think I look/act like” age)
- Height
- Build; tatoos; piercings
- Kids? If yes, ages and living at home?
- Current marital status; if separated, for how long; if pending divorce, when expected to be divorced; if widowed, since when; if divorced, date of final decree as well as date of initial separation
- How long married and how old were you when marriage(s) began.
- History of other post-marriage relationships lasting more than a year.
- Why relationship(s) broke up. What part you played in the break up. What you learned from the relationship and break up.
- What do you want to make sure exists in your next relationship. What do you want to make sure is absent from your next relationship.
- Health, including any chronic physical or mental maladies.
- Residence status: Own home? Live with roommates?
- Work status: Employed? Title? How long with current employer? Prior to that?
What would you add to a template for a relationship resumé?
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Comments
7 responses to “Relationship Resumé”
I’d want to know her relationships with others- With her parents? Siblings? With her ex? Kids? Friends? Co-workers? Even old boyfriends… if *everyone* likes her, and she can even get along with her ex, she’s probably a keeper.
I would also like to know what they expect from the signficant other as far as household care. In other words, do they like more traditional roles or do they contribute to the household work.
I don’t know why that just because I was born a women, that I am expected to wash ALL the clothes in the house, fix ALL the dinners, clean ALL the dishes. If I stayed at home, maybe, but I work, so I feel household stuff should be 50/50. When I got married 10 years ago, I couldn’t wait to “take care” of “my husband”. Ahhhh, hindsight. After working and cleaning up after my husband and kids all this time, I realize that that is not what I want.
Maybe if my emotional needs had been met, it would have made a difference too, I dont’ know. All I know is I want someone who can do more for me, as much as I give to him.
Substance usage? Type? Frequency?
Family histories in direct lines up and down, siblings, and marriage of same?
Attitudes towards same?
If you or they have or plan on having children, or if grandchildren are active part of life, what is
their beliefs and approaches to child rearing?
Religious/Spiritual values and ‘deal breakers’ for them.
Family’s on same subject.
Personal values on race/ethnicity/origins.
Probably more, but these are some biggies.
It sounds as if we all want to meet someone just like us but the opposite sex. I don’t want a clone of me, and yet in my dating profile the man I’m looking for has to tick all the boxes which are then matched against my requirements to see if we are a match. This is bonkers really. No wonder there aren’t many sparks! We might walk straight past the man or woman we were meant to be with because we’re too busy looking for the partner we’ve constructed in our fantasies. For instance, if we have deal breakers like ‘no smokers, no drinkers, no-one overweight or over 55 or unemployed or non-graduates or bald’ etc etc we are overlooking the fact that people have flaws, they’re human and quirky, just like us. We shouldn’t be too ready to judge or turn our noses up, or we’ll certainly have to learn to be smug and all alone.
I think there are some “bottom lines” and that each person’s are different. I also think that women (and men) CAN be too picky. They do want everything on the laundry list and aren’t willing to bend. I’m not sure all women like men as men. They are different and want different things at times. I think if you want to date a man, you really have to ask yourself if you really like men — just the way they are.
Casey Dawes
http://www.WiseWomanShining.com
to Casey,
Yes!……I like your comment!
This is classic! Sort of like a dating prenup