When you look through colored glass, it distorts the colors you see, especially colors in the same range. They are not as vivid as when you look through clear glass. The same is true in relationships. Rose-colored lenses diffuse red — especially red flags.
You are smitten. He is so perfect for you. He is not only everything on your list of the ideal man, he has many other bonuses too! He’s got that great smile, long eyelashes, cute butt. He knows how to brighten your day with brief text messages, but not too many that feel smothering. You are head over heels for him — a goner!
So what if he never answers the phone when you call. Or he prefers long text messages to phone calls. He’s so attentive when you’re together, you’ll overlook the little things. And you think that his leaving his cell phone in the car when you’re together is a sign of how focused he wants to be on you, not wanting to be interrupted by anyone else.
And does it really matter that he calls and wants to see you in an hour, even though you’ve said several times you prefer a day’s notice? He wants to see you and you him, so you reshuffle your work so you can make time for him. His kisses and caresses are worth a little rearranging.
You don’t even notice that your assignations are always on weekdays, never weekends. After all, you both have flexible schedules so does it really matter what day of the week you rendezvous — as long as you see each other?
You think it’s kinda cute that he holds you tight and when you say you need to get a drink of water he doesn’t let go. He likes holding you — how sweet.
His always paying for dinners, movies, etc. in cash telegraphs to you that he isn’t a slave to any credit card debt.
Isn’t it gentlemanly that he always insists on making the drive to your house? And when you suggest you’d love to see his, he protests that it is way too messy to invite anyone to visit. He wouldn’t want you to see what a pack rat he is and think poorly of him because of it.
He isn’t available to attend any of the social events you invite him to. You understand. He’s a busy man with other commitments. And it doesn’t strike you odd that he never invites you to any of his family or social functions.
But then something happens and your rose-colored glasses are shattered. You then see that all these endearing examples were really covers for a controlling, self-focused, or even married man. And you made up interpretations of his behavior to match the man you wanted him to be. You were too gaga over him to see any of these red flags.
So be forewarned when you find yourself besotted you will overlook glaring signs that he is not what you interpret him to be.
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Hey Dating Goddess – here is a question for ya – how do you know when you are ready to date? I lost my wife a year and a half ago. I am 50ish. Got a nine year old daughter at home. I get lonely at night. I joined an online dating service this past summer. Got a couple of first dates out of it but I never felt any chemistry. I tried again this fall with similar results. Now friends and family are introducing me to their “eligible” friends. What do you think?
Your Fan
Hmmm if I was in that situation, I’d get out! There is nothing about it that sounds real to me.
Hi DG,
This reminds me of the old adage: if it (or he) is too good to be true, it/he probably is.
Hugs from bookyone 🙂
Remember a long ago past post? Wait, watch and learn as if you are an investigator on the first date or two. I once joked to a date, “I get the feeling you are in the witness protection program< are you afraid to be seen with me in public?” A nice way to confront the situation. It worked.
We must keep our need to find love in balance with our need to keep our self respect.
Hi DG,
Oh so very true. It’s that initial rosy haze of infatuation that keeps the world populated, I think! Because when it wears off…the masterful man who makes plans for you because he “knows what’s best” and who insists on seeing you at his convenience because he just loves you so very much, becomes the controlling-angry-scary learning opportunity ;-/
Sherri
Ha… been here and done that, and always in the back of my mind I wondered “Why is he so secretive?” Course I didn’t have on rose-colored glasses, either. You can tell something is up when you ask innocent get-to-know you questions and he gets defensive and asks why you want to know. Pfft… bye bye.
From my experience women love to charmed but once or twice burned, they create a matrix of their perfect man and then begin to love not the man but matrix characteristics. It can be deadly to a loving relationship when a boomer woman is on the blink because of being blindly charmed in the past.