I was surprised this week to hear from an out-of-the-area man who called me several times a week for a month a few months ago. We’d had a nice connection and he said he wanted to come see me soon, then he went AWOL with an occasional cryptic email. He’d told me he removed himself from the dating site because he’d found me and wasn’t interested in anyone else.
I’d texted him a few times and called to make sure he was OK, but nothing back. I figured he’d found someone else, probably someone local, which was fine, although I did like our chats.
In his recent cryptic email, he said something about “the one I’m after now.” I said it was fine if he was pursuing another woman, I’d just like to know so I wouldn’t bother him with emails or texts. He responded, “You are the one I’m after.”
This made me scratch my head. How can a man possibly think that an occasional one-line email is pursuing?
He’s not the first who has made me question a man’s definition of wooing or pursuing. Some think that a once a week phone call — with no plan to get together — is sufficient. Others think regular emails, IMs or texts are pursuing. What happened to an actual date? And on that date, more than take out and watching a DVD?
I’ve been wooed in ways that felt to me like wooing — regular connection, filled with sweet talk on both sides and plans put forth to get together. Romantic cards — real and virtual, flowers, small gifts, a plan for a fun date, these all feel like elements of wooing. A man striving to make a positive impression, wanting to curry my favor through acts — even small acts — this seems like wooing to me.
So men readers, help us out here. How could a man think he’s pursuing a woman who he barely contacts? Or is it all just smoke?
Got a topic on dating after 40 you want Dating Goddess to address? Send your issue to Goddess@DatingGoddess.com.