We’ve discussed how a mature, sane man generally wants to make you happy. But how can always getting what you want make you unhappy? A fellow strong woman and I were discussing this recently.
“While I appreciate that my man is interested in making me happy, sometimes it can be a weight,” she shared.
“In what way?” I queried.
“If he’s not willing to speak up about what he wants, then I feel I need to take into consideration what I think he would like before deciding something. So if he asks me what movie I want to see, I could choose a chick flick, but know he wouldn’t be thrilled. So I choose one that may not be at the top of my list, but know he’s more likely to enjoy.”
“That just seems considerate. Why is that a problem?”
“Because I’m not then being exposed to movies that he might suggest and I wouldn’t have thought of. Instead of broadening my options, I’m limited to only what I think of or know about.
“Also, a relationship should be 50/50. I want to give him what he wants equally. By his not thinking about what he wants and sharing it, I’m not really getting to know his true desires. If he constantly puts my preferences above his, he’s hiding from me.”
“I can see that. Also, I’ve found when someone acquiesces too much, it is tedious to always make the decisions. I used to ski with a woman who would never make a decision about which runs we should take. ‘Whatever you want,’ she’d say. I noticed how much work it was to decide the runs that I knew she could handle. Finally, I said, ‘You pick the runs in the morning and I’ll choose them for the afternoon.’ It felt much more balanced that way.”
“Yes, you’re then not feeling responsible for them.”
“Exactly.”
What downsides have you found to always getting your way?
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Comments
2 responses to “The downsides of always getting your way”
I go through this every dinner. “What would you like to eat?” “I’m not picky.” “I’d like it if you had an opinion.” “Whatever is fine.” I think this comes from not having had many choices in a while, due to financial issues.
So I’m working on it by asking “Of these 2 or three choices, which would you prefer.” It works much better. I think it is also a way of setting his sights higher on other life matters, as well. Baby steps.
The downside of always getting my way? In what alternate universe does this happen and how can I get there? 🙂