What are you pretending not to know?

In dating relationships, it’s easy to ignore your guy’s disrespectful behaviors or indicators that he isn’t for you. You justify it by saying that you like many things about him so you’re willing to overlook some less-than-perfect behaviors.

But you’re just being an ostrich burying your head in the sand of romance.

In the book The Art of Living Consciously by Nathaniel Branden, the author says to ask yourself, “What am I pretending not to know?” I know I would have ended unsuitable relationships earlier if I’d paused to honestly answer that question. I ignored glaring signs that a man was not for me.

You could pretend not to know:

  • He’s not considerate of you. For example, he calls you when it is convenient to him, not to you. You are not a morning person and he insists on calling you on his way to work — at 6:30!
  • He doesn’t keep his word. He says he’ll call you the next day and it is several days before you hear from him.
  • He’s not trustworthy. He says he’s not interested in seeing anyone else, but you see he’s on the dating site within the last 24 hours.
  • He’s not as into you as he claims. You’ve been going out at least once a week for 3 months and he says you are the one for him, but you have yet to meet any of his friends or go to his home.
  • He’s miserly. He claims to have lots of investments, good income and no debt yet he only takes you to Chili’s, Applebee’s and movie matinees.

Or you could pretend not to know something about your own behaviors.

  • You say you really like him, yet you let his calls go to voice mail as you finish something inconsequential.
  • You turn down gal pal invitations because he says you might get together. But then he doesn’t call. Again.
  • You carry your cell phone everywhere — even to the bathroom — because he calls unpredictability and you don’t want to miss it.
  • You allow yourself to move more quickly than you’re really comfortable. Within weeks he has moved clothes and toiletries into your home asking for an empty drawer. And you let him as you like having someone around even though he has obnoxious behaviors that are inconsiderate and hurtful.
  • You hear yourself asking him, “When will I see you?” even though you know it sounds needy, but you don’t seem to be able to shut your trap.

To make what you’re pretending to not know more real, write down the things you notice but decide to ignore. What have you’ve noticed in the past that you wish you’d taken heed of?


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2 responses to “What are you pretending not to know?”

  1. The Seductress Within Avatar

    Oh my…what women pretend not to know! Or ignore, or explain away, or try to change or put up with because it’s better than being alone.

    I was once practiced all of these. Open your eyes Ladies and claim your power and self confidence. Don’t waste your time on the wrong men. You deserve the best!!

  2. Mitsy Avatar

    I think it’s wise to know what your list of “dealbreakers” actually are (ala Dr. Phil). There are some things you can overlook because there is no one perfect for anyone. To say otherwise, IS really putting your head in the sand.

    You have to realize that you might have to accept someone who is 80% of what you want and if that 10% is negotiable or not. I learned some of that from Dr. Phil’s website and it’s true. You have to decide what is most important and not settle for less than that, but not be so rigid that you would pass someone up because they were not perfect for you in every way. Let’s face it. If everyone is looking for someone who is perfect for them 100%, then no one would ever wind up with anyone else.