Who would fall for this?

His French accent was fetching. He laughed immediately which was disarming. We chatted on the phone about life for 20 minutes.

He’d said in his dating site profile that he didn’t do coffee dates. I asked him how he met woman initially if he didn’t meet for coffee. He said he met them for sex.

“What?” I asked incredulously, thinking I must have misheard him through his French accent. He repeated himself. I hadn’t misheard.

“You meet women initially for a sex date?” I was too shocked to say anything more intelligent.


“And women do that?”

“Absolutely. It’s how we get to know each other.”

“Well, then we won’t be meeting.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t have sex with a man I’ve just met.”

“Why not?”

“Because I need to have an emotional connection and trust. That takes time. It doesn’t happen on the first date.”

“So how has it worked for you to wait? Have those relationships worked out?”

He got me. We wouldn’t be talking if any of my relationships had worked out longer than a few months.

“So waiting doesn’t really work, does it?”

“Well, I haven’t figured out what works. But I know having sex on the first date doesn’t work. So it looks like we’re at an impasse. You’re unwilling to have a non-sex first meeting and I’m unwilling to have a sexual first meeting.” And so we said goodbye.

This technique obviously works for this man, at least sometimes, or he wouldn’t pursue this approach. I wonder how many women would fall for this line of reasoning.

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8 responses to “Who would fall for this?”

  1. sd Avatar

    How… surreal!

    Of course, you COULD have turned that very question around on him:

    Since he was still looking, HIS approach had clearly not worked long-term either, now had it?

    But that would have required your brain to not be in shock.

    Maybe it’s just the European attitude, dunno, but it sounds like he has just one interest- getting laid.
    So he turns on the charm and the accent (which works SOOO well on American women) and the brazen directness in the hopes that she falls for it.

    It’s certainly an efficient way of weeding out the prospects quickly and with little effort and no cost…

  2. Dora Avatar

    I am not sure I understand. Was he looking for a relationship? Or was he just looking for women to hook up with? I know Lavalife has different sections, one for “Dating”, one for “Relationships” and finally one for “Intimate”, which would mean hooking up for sex.
    If he was looking to just hook up, then his methods were working just fine for him.

  3. Christine Avatar

    Who would fall for this? Probably the same chicks who dig the nekkid pictures!!!

  4. hunter Avatar

    to DG,

    Men say this when we huddle(the few times that we talk relationships), that, if one asks for sex upfront, we will get it, eventually.

  5. Dating Goddess Avatar

    Hunter: I guess it goes back to the old adage that if you ask, you may receive! I wonder how many women he has to ask. This tactic has never worked for me.

  6. hunter Avatar

    to DG,

    supposedly, they ask 8-10 women, before they get business….

  7. Sassy Avatar

    Hunter: business implies money exchanged…..hmmmm……:-)

  8. ninetyminutes Avatar

    I think this is an interesting one.. I’ve never heard of this approach before. LOL… I would laugh if I had this conversation with him, then hang up feeling amused.