“Would you like the recipe for how to seduce me?”

“You know that ‘look’ women get when they want sex? Me neither.” –Steve Martin

You’ve been dating a special guy for a while. You feel connected and closer to him than you’ve felt about others. He says and shows that he feels similarly. You want to take your relationship to the next level.

speeding trainMost couples stumble into intimacy. It happens pretty haphazardly, and a great deal depends on how you’re feeling at the moment. If you are both feeling it, one thing leads to the proverbial other, and soon you are hurtling along like a speeding train, unable — unwilling, really — to stop.

Sometimes everything seems to work perfectly. But more often, there is some herky-jerkiness, some awkwardness, some “I wish he would…,” or “I wonder if he likes….” One of the hardest parts of new intimacy is learning what the other likes — and doesn’t like. Most people do whatever worked in their last long-term relationship. For midlife daters that may have been a while ago and they are rusty. And of course, what worked for her may not be at all what works for you. If he’s savvy, he knows that everyone has their own combination of boat-floaters. You have to learn each others’ toe-curling moves.

So how do you get him to learn your seduction secrets? You can see if he picks up on your subtle cues. You can give him positive reinforcement when he does what you like. You can wait for him to ask what gives you ecstasy. However, none of these are the bullet train to Blissville. No jet to Joy City. No rocket to Rapturetown.

chef hatOr you can be direct. When you sense he wants to progress and you want him to make some specific moves that get you in the mood, what’s to prevent you from saying, “Would you like the recipe for how to seduce me?” I think most men would love a guide for what works with you, rather than trying to figure it out by trial and error.

(Be sure to use language he relates to. If your man cooks, then “recipe” may be the right metaphor. If he likes to build, them perhaps “blueprint” is better. If he’s an engineer, then “schematic.” A medical professional might respond to “prescription,” and a mathematician or chemist might like “formula.”)

I’m not suggesting you write out your recipe, although one man sent me an erotic story that described what he liked. Try a verbal description, encouraging him to follow along as you describe it. Professional trainers know that the best learning happens when the learner follows instructions as they are given. 🙂

If you were to write up your recipe for how to seduce you, how would it go? For practice, write it out (no need to put it in a comment!). If your man wants to see it, great, but it will be more fun if you describe it as he puts your instructions into action!

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