Most companies require new employees to undergo a 30-, 60-, and/or 90-day review to discuss how they are doing at their job. Typically part of the discussion is how well the employee thinks s/he is doing and what s/he likes and doesn’t like about the job. The boss then shares how she thinks the employee is doing, what is working and what needs improvement.
I think relationships should have a 60-day (or 90-day) relationship review. This way both parties could get a reality check on how s/he sees the relationship in comparison to the other. Both people could answer the questions, first on paper, then sharing their answers with the other. Some sample questions could be:
On a scale of 1-10, how well do you think the relationship is going, considering we’ve been seeing each other for 2 months?
What do you feel is going well?
What would you like more of?
What would you like less of?
What would it take for this relationship to be a 10 for you?
Do you think we should continue seeing each other?
You are not asking for a commitment, but honestly assessing and sharing how each other feels. If there is a big disparity — you rate the relationship an 8 and he gives it a 4 — then time to decide if the gap can be closed and what it would take to close it.
You may learn that what he needs for it to be a 7, 8, or 9 are things you can’t provide. Maybe he wants to be with you 5 days a week and your schedule won’t accommodate that.
Or maybe you’ll discover other discrepancies. You can then discuss them and make a mature decision whether to continue seeing each other or not.
Some people don’t want to have this discussion because they think it will upset the apple cart and drive the guy away. My attitude is if having a conversation like this after dating for 2 months would drive him away, then you’re better off without him. The value of having this review is that you can see how you both feel. And if you need to move on, best to know now rather than waiting another 2 months.
What questions would you ask at the 2-month mark?
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Maybe I’m a little gun-shy, but I don’t really consider it a relationship yet at 60 days. If a man brought up the subject of a 60 day review and asked me these questions, it would be time to move on for me–I don’t want a relationship that feels like a job. However, I realize that I’m probably not in the majority. I am curious how the men feel about this as women are usually more interested in this type of communication.
It may be appropriate at 60-90 days of dating, not including the initial eMailing and phonecalls. This should be part of the initial eMailing/phone calls discussion, as it would let the other know what to expect, even better would be linking to this entry and discussing the pros/cons of the idea, then some type of agreement made. Definitely do not blind-side the other with it. To do so would make it a formal “Evaluation”. My three cents.
I like the idea of discussing this in emails ahead of time also . . .
Once I fell in love with a guy at first sight, we slept together a few days later, and we were together for 15 years, most of them happy.
Another case of swift attraction and commitment (though we didn’t have sex for a month or so) lasted nearly four years.
So there is no hard and fast rule, I guess. If something is right, it’s right.