I’m sure you’ve heard that old insult. Well, after seeing myself on the Greg Behrendt Show the other day, I feel I have a face perfect for radio. Or newspaper. Perhaps telegraph. Just not TV.
Before the show Hollywood makeup and hair artists worked their magic on me. Still the sags and bags were pronounced. As I watched the tape, I wondered what man would ever agree to coffee, let alone a subsequent date. I pondered a second mortgage for a face lift.
Does this happen to you? You’re grammed up: full makeup, good hair day, a flattering frock. Someone snaps a pic. When you see it you think, “Who is that old/chubby frump? And why is she wearing my outfit and sitting where I sat?”
Then it hits you: your self image is different — sometimes very different — than how others see you. Sometimes this is a good thing, as it helps you have more confidence if you think you’re looking good. And that poise, in fact, helps you appear more attractive.
Sometimes you feel you look worse than others see you. Your self esteem doesn’t match your outer appearance.
In dating, how you feel about yourself is sometimes affected by the reaction you get from your dates. If they continually shun you, you can begin to feel unappealing. And if you feel unattractive, no matter how many times your dates say you’re beautiful, you won’t believe them.
I’ve been lucky as I’ve had more guys tell me I’m attractive than snub me. And even though when I smile the bags under my eyes grow gigantic, a smile is attractive on nearly everyone. But after seeing myself on camera, I wonder how any man could find my looks appealing. (I’ve seen myself on camera many times, but as one ages, the flaws are more distinct.)
My lesson: If you get a picture of yourself that is unflattering, don’t linger on it. If you want to keep it as a memento of a special moment with people you love, great. If not, throw it away (or trim it and save the images you want in the pic). If there’s an unbecoming video, just file it in the back of the closet.
However, if you look maaaaaavelous, put the photo where you can remind yourself you are appealing, especially after those dates where you got a chilly reception. Know that the man who is right for you will find you irresistible, and if a guy doesn’t find you alluring, it’s just not a match. Nothing personal. Next!
(You may also want to read my posting, Don’t think you are damaged goods.)