I watched Steve Harvey promote his new book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man on Oprah the other day. (I’ll review his book for you later.) Steve talked about how women give “it” up to men too easily, without making the man earn it. And a man doesn’t respect anything he doesn’t have to earn.
By “it” Steve meant not only sex, but a woman’s heart. I’ve read this in other sources too. One man bragged about how easily he could get a woman to forgive him for some selfish act. “Just bring her a $5 bouquet and she gets all gooey eyed. Or just beg her to forgive you over the phone and you don’t even have to spring for flowers!”
I’m afraid these men are right a lot of the time. A man can treat us horribly and if he says or does the right things in the moment, we forgive him. He may or may not promise to ever repeat the behavior. And even if he does promise to clean up his act, he doesn’t have to follow through as he knows the next time it happens, he can cheaply buy his way back into our hearts — and beds.
I’ve experienced this myself even though I know better. If a man with whom I am smitten has done something disrespectful, selfish, or uncaring yet apologizes profusely, I’ve forgiven him. If he tops it with words of undying devotion, even better. And if this apology is punctuated with flowers, yep, I’m usually a goner. And often he is a goner — as in gone — before too long, by exiting himself. His apologies were a ruse to stick around until he was done with me.
Why do we let our emotions be bought so easily? Why don’t we insist a man show us his ardor through his repeated actions of caring, not just short-term fixes?
I think so many women long for a loving connection that we interpret small actions as signs of long-term devotion. We don’t let the scenario play out for a bit to see if he is consistent in showing his interest and earning a place in our heart.
Have you let your emotions be bought easily in the past? If so, what did you learn to not repeat?
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