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boomer dating

I dated a sweet man who grew up in an African village. He came to the US at age 19 to go to school.

I loved hearing his stories of growing up in his village, living in mud huts, bathing in the nearby river, gathering water from a pond, making fire from sticks and moss, walking miles to sell eggs and chickens at the market, and other examples of a life I couldn’t imagine. He regaled me with his tribe’s welcome-to-manhood ceremony and other rites of passage.

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It’s commonly said that women try to change their man into someone more to their ideal. Men, however, are afraid women will change, as they like what they have.

Not that a man can’t wish a woman was a better cook, was more punctual, neater, or had other habits he liked. But (generally) he won’t hound her, unlike women (generally).

My experience is men won’t tell you when they are fully accepting of who you are, warts and all.

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You’ve been single for a while. You would like to have a special man in your life. But how?

Women reentering the dating scene after a long absence need to first examine if they are ready to date again. After all, not only is there the possibility of being swept off your feet by a romantic, loving man, there’s the chance of being swept over the cliff of heartbreak. Here are some tips on how to ensure you enjoy your adventure of dating after 50, not dread the next coffee date.
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Some people set no distance requirements on potential suitors. One Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 reader shared she was romanced by a guy half way around the world for over two years! (They never met and he went poof one day.)

Other people have ridiculously short distance requirements. Some men list 10 miles as their dating radius in their dating profiles. Unless you live in New York City, I think it this is too small. An hour’s drive seems reasonable to me.

Throughout my post-divorce dating, I was always clear I didn’t want a long-distance relationship. Even thinking that, I’ve been entranced enough with four of the 112 men to explore dating them. With three of the four, I spent hours on the phone with them, often talking every day for up to several months before meeting. Two I never saw after one date, and one I saw 3 times before he went poof.

Then I found myself in a 600-mile relationship. Why? Because he is a great, loving, smart, romantic, thoughtful guy. The distance has its pros and cons. Here’s what I’ve found so far:

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This can be a common thought for powerful, successful, midlife dating women. It was expressed by Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 reader Diamond in a question to me:

            I’ve been in business my whole life. A friend’s mother shared this advice just prior to my running off to meet what I thought was the man of my dreams in London. She gently said, in a loving mother’s voice, “Do you mind if I give you a piece of advice about your man in London? Please don’t treat him like a business!”

            I have a hard time switching from client mode to date mode. I treat my date as I do my clients”— I want to know up front, “What are your goals and objectives?” This is me, who are you? BAM! I’m sure I’m too direct for the first call. This doesn’t evolve over time — I want to know now so I don’t waste time.

            OMG — I don’t know how to date! The last guy went packing after our initial call. Run Forrest! Run!

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She said he has given her a 2-week probation to decide if he wanted to stay or go.
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When I’m smitten, or even in the beginning of a budding relationship, I think about the guy a lot.

“I wonder how his day is going. Should I text him?
“I should ask if he wants to come over for dinner Friday.”
“I need to ask him why his marriage broke up.”
“I think I’ll ask him to accompany to the party next weekend.”

This sort of incessant chatter fills my idle thoughts. I rarely have time to think of my other interests.
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He was not classically good looking. He had a pronounced nose and craggy face etched from decades of intense work. But his entrancing blue eyes made everything else fade away.

He stood straight so his fit 57-year-old body seemed decades younger. And when he looked at you, it felt like he really saw you. He listened and asked intelligent relevant questions. The combination was sexy — my married gal pals felt it too. He was divorced.

We met speaking at a conference in Singapore. We spent all our downtime together the next 3 days. I invited him to a small dinner party with some of my pals. He got along with them beautifully, balancing listening to their stories, asking questions and sharing his own experiences.

But alas, it was not to be.

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Both genders say confidence is one of the most appealing attributes in a sweetie.

However, there is a thin line between confidence and arrogance. Certainty is part of both. Here’s an example of when certainty turned unappealing.
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Wooing can be exhilarating, fun, and exciting. It’s nice to be the recipient of a man’s attention and affection. It’s especially nice when he’s good at it, but not so good it seems practiced.

I’ve been the recipient of good woos and not so good ones. The latter wooers seem clumsy, perhaps out of nervousness or lack of confidence. The former seem relaxed; the wooing feels natural, comfortable and sincere. But of course, that could also come from frequent wooing.
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DSCN2178I’m on an 11-day cruise. It’s not a singles’ cruise. Am I here looking for love?
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