A male pal and I were discussing dating, and how sometimes a man and woman’s sexual time lines are different. In other words, one is ready to move forward physically before the other.
For the sake of this illustration, we’ll assume the man wants things to move more quickly than the woman, although we know the opposite can be true.
My pal explained it like this:
When a man decides he wants to have sex with a woman he’s dating, she isn’t always ready when he is to go take their relationship to that level. It’s like sand in an hour glass. When the sand runs out, he feels they had better be in bed, or he leaves the relationship looking for someone who is more in alignment with his time frame.
However, if she isn’t ready, she can make the sand slow down by doing some little, but important actions. Some of them include:
- She can tell him she is attracted to him and can see them being sexual, but she isn’t ready yet.
- She can touch him in non-teasing ways, such as holding hands, hugging, and touching him lovingly.
- She can kiss and caress him as long as she doesn’t send mixed signals and cross any boundaries that she has expressed.
If the above are missing, he thinks she isn’t interested or loses patience and the sand runs out quickly.
Have you experienced different sexual time frames with someone you were dating? If you were the one who wasn’t ready, how did you still show him you were interested? And if you were ready first, what did he do that showed you he was still interested but not quite yet?
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DG, you somehow always manage to write about something moments after I start pondering it. How do you do it??
Actually, I haven’t made it past 2 dates with anybody yet (not that they or I are terrible, but I don’t have a lot of free time and just started this dating jaunt a couple of months ago). But some of the likely prospects are very nice and I’m wondering how they will develop and how I will deal with it when they do.
I have a file on my desktop with good tips from your postings like how to say “No thanks!” so nicely that they thank you back, and now, how to approach the sexual exclusivity issue with tact. I’m sure the document will continue to grow…