“I’m out of your league” sounds so snooty, snotty, and superior. You’re looking down your nose at the other, saying he isn’t good enough for you.
A potential suitor once emailed me, “You’re so far out of my league that I wouldn’t be allowed in the stadium where your league plays. I can only play in the fantasy league for your league. I can’t even park in your league’s parking lot.” Clearly, thinking someone is out of your league is not starting from a position of strength.
By proclaiming someone is not in your league, are you cutting out some great guys? Absolutely. Might some of them be a good fit for you? Perhaps. We hear about these kind of mismatched relationships all the time.
What are we really saying with “out of your league”? That you don’t match on some significant level. It could be a marked difference in socio-economic or education backgrounds, or intelligence. Often this refers to big differences in physical attractiveness. A Ph.D. professor may not be a match with a fast-food worker. Or a country-club type won’t be good long-term with a laborer. Of course, there are always exceptions.
I’ve dated men with different economic or educational levels from mine. While I may have enjoyed the guy’s company, as we got to know each other, the discrepancies emerged. His vocabulary, pronunciation, or even table manners showed our different backgrounds, expectations and standards. While I try to embrace men from different walks of life, if there are too many things that have a wide gap, it can be a strain. And perhaps some of the men who went “poof” on me did so because they felt I wasn’t in their league.
What to do if you find yourself with someone who is in a different league? As long as you are playing the same game (wanting romance), and have the same team goal (enjoying being with each other), who cares if he’s National League and you’re American League? If you want to find a way to play together, you will. And if you find that one of you is major league and the other on a farm team, one of you will strike out.
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