Category: Check him out before going out

  • Getting to know a man through Google

    A new man contacted me who held some allure so I promptly did a Google search, armed only with his profile’s unusual alias and his city. A wealth of information was divulged. I read the posting he’d made in public forums so could see his comments were thoughtful, articulate, and had correct spelling and punctuation. […]

  • Assuming privileges

    When you talk to a potential suitor regularly for more than a few weeks before meeting, a false sense of intimacy can develop. In flirty or soul-baring emails and/or phone conversations, you can begin to feel a budding emotional connection to the other. Then when you do meet, there is an odd closeness. You feel […]

  • The power of spelling

    NYSharon brought it up in a comment the other day. I and others have mentioned it before. During a TV interview about online dating a 50-something single woman said it was a pet peeve. Spelling. Or more accurately, misspellings. (Spell check told me that “misspellings” was wrong, but says it’s okay.) On one hand, […]

  • When should you disclose any, er, unusual preferences?

    I was once contacted by a man who said in his profile that he was “slightly kinky.” When I asked what he meant exactly, he said he’d explain in person. He was a perfect gentleman on the phone and in emails, so I thought it was worth a coffee meeting to find out. I’ve learned […]

  • Should you state your dating goal even before meeting?

    I just listened to the 4-CD seminar, “In Sync with the Opposite Sex™,” with Alison Armstrong. A close friend has attended a number of her seminars and highly recommends them, so I’ve been immersing myself in her work. This CD was recorded live, so you hear Alison’s fun presentation style and her wittily interacting with […]

  • Let the games begin

    As I respond to an interesting potential suitor’s email today, I hear myself saying the command heard at the start of the Olympics. I’m don’t like to think of dating as a game — although there are gamelike parts. I work hard to not play games in dating, even though there are plenty of those […]

  • Is it neediness, loneliness, or pent up love?

    I’ve noticed some men start with sugary sweet talk even before a face-to-face meeting. Some of them try to soften me up, thinking I’ll then be an easy mark on the first date for a roll in the hay. But others don’t hint at sex, and say sweet, romantic things in email or on the […]

  • Failed phone audition

    We’d flirted online a few times many months ago, then stopped. I can’t remember why. We started again last week. Last night he called. This psychology professor included these tidbits in his 45-minute monologue: He told me in great detail of his recent tooth extraction — his third — and his options for implants or […]

  • Are you his spare?

    For a few weeks a gal pal was exchanging flirty emails multiple times a day with a an online match. He then suggested they have dinner and she countered that she was more comfortable with lunch. They continued their multiple-per-day email flirting a few more weeks, but he never again brought up getting together. She […]

  • Should you respond to someone about whom you’re ambivalent?

    You receive a nice, personalized email from a man on a dating site. He’s crafted an message specific to you, commenting on items from your profile. His profile is fine, but something is a borderline deal breaker. You vacillate whether to respond with your nice boilerplate “Thanks but no thanks” email, or to encourage more […]

  • Dating alchemy

    A newly dating gal pal called and wanted some advice. She’s recently become a DG reader and was sharing her few experiences getting her feet wet. As we chatted and I spewed my advice, I felt like a mix of psychologist and Chinese herbalist. But instead of prescribing a pinch of this and a dollop […]