I’ve noticed some men start with sugary sweet talk even before a face-to-face meeting. Some of them try to soften me up, thinking I’ll then be an easy mark on the first date for a roll in the hay.
But others don’t hint at sex, and say sweet, romantic things in email or on the phone. I’ve generally written off this sweet talk as neediness, or just the expressions of lonely men.
Now I’m wondering if it might also have something to do with the man aching to love someone, to shower her with affection, to pamper and spoil her, starting with his expressions of care. When he finds someone who is nice, communicative and apparently receptive to his verbal kindnesses, he is so overjoyed, he thinks he is smitten. But he hasn’t even met the object of desire yet.
I think many people have a lot of love to give, and get satisfaction from giving love. They give to their family and friends, but yearn for a romantic partner to act out their definition of themselves as a romantic, loving mate. After all, without someone with which to actually be romantic, you are just a theoretical romantic, not a practicing one. If you call yourself a romantic but have no one to romance, your definition of yourself can become shaky.
So is neediness and pent up love the same? The dictionary says “needy” is “lacking the necessities of life.” One could easily argue that giving or receiving love is a necessity. So lacking the ability to fully experience love is indeed needy.
Now when a man writes sweet things, unaccompanied by sexual innuendo, I give him some grace. I wait to assess if it is out of his neediness, loneliness or pent up love.
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