Most of us wear a mask, presenting ourselves as we want people to perceive us, not only in dating but in life. We decide how much and how soon to reveal our true selves based on the connection and trust we have with another. If we are feeling safe enough to let our hair down,…
Real deal or faux beau
Eliciting your friends’ reactions to your guy
After dating a guy a while, you want to introduce him to your friends. You’re hoping they’ll see how terrific he is. But what if they don’t? You are torn between wanting to know what they think … and not. Some women defend their man if their friends say anything negative about him. But what…
Do you infantilize your guy?
Infantilize: Treat (someone) as a child or in a way that denies their maturity in age or experience. In “Does he want a ‘mommy’?” we discussed how some men want a woman who will take care of them. Let’s talk about the flip side — women who treat the midlife man they’re dating (or married…
Slow down, you move too fast
Yesterday, I spent time with a colleague I hadn’t seen in a long time. I knew he had been online dating so was interested in an update. He had decided to run his dating life similarly to how he runs his business. He’d troll for suitable prospects on dating sites, then send an email to…
Is his diet a problem for you?
Or is yours a problem for him? In past postings, I’ve explored how the way a man eats can be problematic (eats salad with his fingers, chews with his mouth full, picks up pork chops with his hands in a nice restaurant). But we’ve not discussed how what he eats — or doesn’t eat —…
The money talk
My 63-year-old gal pal has been dating her 70-year-old boyfriend a few years. They recently returned from a fabulous vacation. I asked her how they worked out expense sharing. She said since he makes significantly more than she does, he pays for hotel, dinners, and other large expenses. She buys breakfasts and simple lunches. She…
How are you about receiving gifts from your guy?
It’s my birthday! Since my sweetie’s work week ends at noon today he’s flying in this afternoon to take me on a dinner/dance cruise and spend his “weekend” with me. But you already know how thoughtful he is. (See “The art of wooing is not dead.”) The other day he told me he’d been shopping…
Is he crazy — or are you?
They fell quickly and hard. Within 2.5 weeks of meeting, they were exchanging I love yous. They spent every weekend together and most weekday nights. They were sure they’d found their soul mates. The sex was frequent and fantastic. Then something shifted. They started fighting frequently. She was often late to their assignations — sometimes…
The first fight
New relationships frequently end over a first fight. Sometimes there isn’t even an actual fight, but one of you says/does/doesn’t do something that upsets the other and it’s over — without a word ever being a said about it. So a first fight is important. Not that I’m encouraging you to pick one, but when…
When to remove your online profile?
You’ve been dating your guy for a little while — perhaps 1-3 months. You like him a lot and he seems to like you similarly. You have no interest in seeing anyone else, and he says he isn’t seeing anyone else. He asks you what he says to men who email you, and you say,…
How to detect the end is near
Many midlife women have shared that they are blindsided, as I have been, when a man breaks up with them or just disappears. We are curious what signs we missed that the end was coming. Here are a few things I and others have noticed in retrospect. He starts acting jerky. A friend shared with…