You’ve been dating your guy for a little while — perhaps 1-3 months. You like him a lot and he seems to like you similarly. You have no interest in seeing anyone else, and he says he isn’t seeing anyone else. He asks you what he says to men who email you, and you say, “Thank you but I’m seeing someone right now.” He says he does the same thing to the women who contact him.
So why is his profile still visible on the dating site? And for that matter, why is yours?
This subject of when to remove or hide your online profile is a tricky one. If one of you removes your profile and the other doesn’t, it can cause tension. In fact, removing it within the first month of dating can make him think you are more serious — or needy — than he is and may scare him. But not taking it down after having the “exclusivity” discussion can cause more problems.
I remember dating a man for a month before checking the site on which we met to see if I had any new emails to which I needed to respond “No thank you.” I was surprised to see that he had been on the site the same day! He’d told me he wasn’t dating others, so why was he online? I asked him. He stuttered something unconvincing. While I thought everything was going swimmingly, I could see by his actions that he was still fishing in the pond. I began to check the site daily and noticed he was always on within 24 hours.
So when should you hide or remove your profile? Whenever you’re disinterested in meeting others. You don’t have to announce this to your guy if you don’t want. However, at some point, typically somewhere between 1 and 3 months, if you both say you want to be exclusive, you need to remove your profile from public view. It shows the other you are serious about removing yourself from the dating marketplace. To not do so shows you are still wanting to see who else might contact you.
If you check back a week later and find his profile is still visible to the public, ask him about it. Some sites, like Yahoo!Personals allow you to hide your profile from anyone new, but those who you’ve had past contact can still see it. So don’t log in when you check or you’ll still be able to see his profile, even if he’s hidden it.
You can hide your profile without actually canceling your account. When you both decide to cancel your accounts — to all the sites on which you’re listed, not just the one on which you met — it shows a deeper commitment. No, you don’t have to be living together or engaged at this point, but sure that you want to give this relationship all you have. If he balks at canceling, he’s not serious.
And if you balk when he asks you to remove your profile or cancel your account, you are still unsure. Let him know. Don’t string him along, just as you wouldn’t want him to lead you on. The proof is in the profile — or lack thereof.