I believe what goes around comes around. How you treat others is how you will be treated. Of course, there are always exceptions — you were cranky with someone and she went out of her way to be nice. Or you were nice, and he was mean. But generally, I believe if you are polite, thoughtful, and classy, that is what you will attract to you.
So I always make a point of thanking my dates, especially if he bought coffee, lunch or dinner. I would thank anyone who bought me a gift, so why not a date? I email him thanking him for meeting me and something I enjoyed from our conversation. If I’d like to see him again, I say so. If not, I tell him we’re not a match. But I do so gently and kindly. I’ll cover this is a later posting.
I think the most important time to keep focused on dating karma is during a break up. A guy I’d dated for 6 weeks recounted all my flaws during an email telling me why he was breaking up with me. I could have countered with an even longer list of his flaws, but I thought better of it. What would it do but let me vent, and why inflict that vitriol on anyone? Instead, I said, “You’re right. We’re not a match. I wish you the best. Goodbye.” And I moved on.
When someone is mean to me I ask who do I want to be in response? Someone as low as him? No. I think better of me than he does of himself. So I work to be gracious and classy and move on.
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4 responses to “Dating karma”
It’s taken me a long time to figure out that karma really does work. I’ve seen it in action with past ex-friendships and past co-workers from hell. Eventually, people do get their number and figure out that the person is a user, loser or not worth their time. What goes around, comes around. I believe it more each week. This goes for dating and all of our interactions. I try to treat men as I’d like to be treated. Sadly, many men don’t follow that same philosophy.
[…] revenge accomplishes nothing. Maybe it makes you feel better short term. But since I believe in dating karma I think that the person who harmed you will get his due. It is not up to you to provide his […]
I have to share my latest news about dating karma and how it’s so important to believe that old saying “what comes around, goes around” or vice versa. :0
Anyway, I have talked previously about the “not quite divorced” guy I dated for 3 1/2 months in 2006 (Mark). He was the guy who didn’t have the guts to tell me he was going back to the estranged wife from hell–same wife who treated his daughter (her step-daughter) very badly.
Since that time, Mark’s sister and I have become good friends. She works at W-Mart part-time like I do and her relationship with her brother has been almost non-existent since he left town. Last night I get a call from her telling me that “Mark” and Tammy are again split up. Apparently, there was another argument about the daughter. None of it is surprising. The only thing that I am surprised about is that he stayed with her this long. His job takes him out of town a lot so maybe that is how he managed to stay for 17 months. However, by hearing this news, I feel like “karma” has gone full circle in regards to how I view him. He deserves every bit of grief he’s gotten since leaving town in May ’06. The only one who doesn’t deserve the grief is his daughter, and for that, I’m thankful that he finally came to his sense in regards to her.
I don’t have any belief that Mark will call me now that he’s separated once again, but on the slight chance that he might, I would tell him that I was glad that he left town and that I would not take 10 guys like him in exchange for the guy I have now. There is no comparison in how I feel about my current guy (and hopefully permanent guy). He doesn’t play mind games or lie to me. He’s open, honest and trustworthy. Something that Mark will never be capable of. Mark’s sister told me that their relationship will never recover from his selfish actions last year. He owes her a lot of money as she helped raise this daughter while he was working. So, karma DOES work, it’s just hard to wait for it to happen.
Just wanted to remind everyone of that.
Another update, guess who I get an e-mail from this morning? Yes, MARK! I haven’t decided if I’ll respond or not. I may ignore it, or I might eventually tell him how happy I am now that I have someone who truly cares about me and is trustworthy. In the meantime, I’m enjoying the payback of karma. 🙂