Your experience dating your current guy swings from elation to disappointment, glee to frustration, fun to hassle. But the good far outweighs the bad, so you stick with it. When it’s great, it’s really great.
It would be easy to complain about — and to — him. But you have to realize you voluntarily climbed into the front car of this emotional roller coaster. When you look forward to seeing him, you are on the uphill, raising your hands high in anticipation of a great, adrenaline-filled time with him. If it turns out to be a dud or a difficult time, you are disappointed.
Are you a drama queen? No. Is he a drama king? No. But still there are emotional ups and downs which some find common with new relationships, when you’re getting to know each other, having unexpressed — and therefore often unmet — expectations.
In “What’s your date’s score on the Delight/Disappointment Scale?” I suggest you track this relationship’s emotional roller coaster route. If there are dramatic highs offset by too many pronounced lows, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Any relationship will have ups and downs. But you want most of your relationship experiences on the upside, and the downs not repeatedly make your stomach drop.
Should you get off this roller coaster? If after a few weeks things haven’t calmed down, then yes. In fact, some people say that any time your emotions go into the Dungeon of Disappointment, you should not overlook the danger signs and sirens sounding. Others believe that you should expect some downs, as no person or relationship is perfect.
But of course, many of us tend to live our dating lives in the Fun House, seeing distorted images of reality. We look in the curved mirror of infatuation and his heart looks unusually big, so that’s the image we hold. Even when we step out into the sunlit midway and look at him again, we don’t notice that the humongous heart we saw as so large and open is really just normal size. Then we become disappointed when this romantic giant is really a regular guy.
Have you experienced a dating emotional roller coaster? How long did you stay on it? Did you enjoy the ride or hate it? What happened that made you get off?
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Ewww… so very true. First gf broke up with me numerous times, broke my trust, had all kinds of issues. But I was new, gullible and clueless… talk about a roller coaster. AFTER numerous breakups, paired with euphoric times together, my head started to clear and I wondered if I couldnt find something better? YA THINK?! Took five months to scrub the ‘Stupid’ tatoo off my forehead.
UUrrrggghhh, I can relate…..we have a great time one weekend, he doesn’t ask me out the next, then he does again …the person in question recently sent me an email saying, “you’re attractive, smart, and funny…BUT…” No, he didn’t finish the sentence. Talk about mixed messages. Don’t worry — I’m workin’ my way off this train.
I keep thinking about the new TV show, Pushing Up Daisies, where the guy’s touches someone and they wake up from being dead, but his second touch kills them again. DG, I think there’s a blog there somewhere!
Another Ellen: But on Pushing Up Daisies, he knows the person will die when he touches them again. I’m afraid most guys (and gals) don’t have a clue how they can contribute to someone’s emotional ups and downs. We are always at choice, of course, with how we react. But some things just help us climb on board that roller coaster car.
Being led on in the beginning is the quickest way to start the roller coaster ride full throttle. Trusting someone is hard, and when someone bends over backwards to make you “think” they are trustworthy, you WANT to believe them. You want to give them the benefit of the doubt, but I’ve been burned by so many men who were not what they seemed to be. They put on a good act…long enough to suck a lot of emotion and effort out of me, then usually went on to whatever other thing that they fancied. That roller coaster ride got old for me, and that was the main reason I have shunned online dating for the last 10-11 months. There were too many roller coaster rides I went on and never recovered from. I have a pretty decent guy in my life now, and he’s not without problems as well, but at least he’s honest and upfront about his shortcomings. Something I can’t say for the many online guys I met or corresponded with.
to ellen,
went out one weekend, he didn’t call you the next? Did you get a contract? The part about, calling each other, at least once a week( I met a woman so busy, she only had time for a phone call once a week, date every two weeks). Many guys are clueless, even some of us midlifers……
to mitsy,
so, you kissed a lot of frogs?…..