Do you tell suitors how to make you happy?

My friend Bruce says most women don’t know how to express how a man can make her happy. Women commonly say they want nebulous characteristics, like successful, strong, communicative, fun. A woman’s profile often says she wants a long list of nearly impossible attributes. A man begins to read the superman-like list and moves on as he knows he can never measure up.

A man wants to make a woman happy. But he needs a clear roadmap. Do you like fresh-perked coffee in the morning? Sunset walks? Foot massages? He knows he can – or can’t – provide what you want. He also wants to be able to make you happy without going far outside his regular activities. So if he’s an outdoors guy and you say you like hiking and camping, he says, “I can make her happy taking her backpacking.” If you say, “I like concerts,” he says, “So do I! I ‘d like to take her to hear some great performers.”

Now this may seem like common sense that a guy looks for women who like to do what he likes to do. But I think it’s more than that – it’s all around his making you happy. If you say you like opera and he doesn’t, he knows he could take you, but he won’t be completely comfortable. He’s willing to go to the opera every once in a while, but he’d be very happy if you’d be thrilled on the back of his Harley.

What makes you happy? Write it down. Based on Bruce’s concept, I’ve rewritten my online profile. Following is how I’ve expressed what makes me happy. Maybe it will give you some ideas on how to say what you want. I’ve just included this in my profile and a few men have responded, but it’s too soon to see if it works better than the previous one.

If you are my man, you know you can make me happy — and I’ll make you very happy. You’re strong yet sensitive. You listen carefully first and make sure I feel heard before trying to fix anything.

You show your love through everyday actions: kind words, making me laugh, sharing a favorite last cookie, taking care of life’s messy parts. You like to open jars, take out the garbage, bring in the groceries, ensure the cars have proper maintenance. You show your caring by planning special outings from picnics on the beach, to concerts, dinners, or plays. You plan romantic evenings at home by preparing a fire, lighting candles, playing soft music and clearing the sofa for cuddling.

You make me laugh at your silliness. You love talking about things that are important, not drivel. You know we needn’t agree on everything, and we disagree respectfully.

You’re chivalrous and regularly show me I’m special through many little acts like opening doors, pulling out chairs, helping with my coat.

You love to take me abroad, and when we travel, you like to make sure I’m taken care of. You make the arrangements and so we can relax and enjoy the journey together. You know I can do these things myself, but you know how much I appreciate it when you take care of it all.

You know I think you’re sexy when you show pride in your appearance. While shorts, t-shirts and sweats are okay around the house, gym or on a hike, you wouldn’t take me to the movies or dinner like that.

You are a generous lover, graciously receiving as well as giving. You know I like to dance, and we have a blast together. You’re willing to try new things that you think we’d both enjoy.

You like to learn and grow spiritually, psychologically, and intellectually, and are always looking for ways to improve. You’re happy with who you are, yet know you can get even better.

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