Does he know what turns you on?

Does the guy you’re dating know what turns you on? Or does he make assumptions based on what turns him on?

naked yogaToday I received a bawdy video emailed from an old beau turned friend. It was clips of naked, buxom women playing various sports — gymnastics, calisthenics, etc. He thought it would turn me on.

I said, “It’s a guy video.”

“What do you mean?”

“Most of the women I know aren’t turned on by naked women.”

“What turns them on?”

“Naked MEN! Good looking ones!”

Now wouldn’t you think a 55-year-old man would know this, considering he was married for 10 years and has had many subsequent girlfriends in the last 20 years? Or did he go with women who were turned on by naked women? Or these past gals didn’t tell him this didn’t do it for them?

I think the lesson here is to not be afraid to tell your guy what gets you going — and what doesn’t. The latter needs to be delivered gently, not angrily or condescendingly. But guy pals tell us over and over — men need clear instructions. They don’t notice hints well. So let him know! You will both be much happier.

(I know you’re thinking, “Does this explain why he’s an ex-beau?”)

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10 responses to “Does he know what turns you on?”

  1. Deanna Avatar

    The men I’ve known are generally too stubborn for this to work. They will INSIST that ALL women are turned on by female bodies just like they are, and that women just *naturally* all have a degree of lesbian tendency. They say that “women just aren’t like men” and that it’s “natural” for women to be turned on by other women and that *EVERY* woman they know will agree with that! Evidently, the Dating Goddess and I are the only two women on the planet that are not turned on by female bodies ๐Ÿ˜‰ (and the men will swear that we just don’t want to admit it) Seriously, I have had many men say these exact same things… sometimes just in general conversation, and sometimes when they were trying to get me to agree to a threesome. They are completely clueless, and discussing it and reasoning with them just doesn’t work.

  2. hunter Avatar

    to DG,

    “they don’t do hints well,” this sentence made me smile… are right,,,,,,, men don’t do hints well….be as direct as you can, when talking to a man…..

  3. jose b Avatar

    oh well ladies, there are many men out there that dont know what women like. iam very sorry for them. iam a latino guy, i grew up with women am not gay no am not, but some how i can get connected and uderstand how some women feel about men, yes we are not as smart as you are,i honestly admit to that. i personally always considered my self dominated by women. 1st , i came from a woman, 2nd there is no man in the world that can say, that for love to a woman he has not cried, and if he does, he is lying. am happy just to have them close for when i see a female siloutte there is no comparison to nothing else in nature.and as my mom always told me, never try to understand women, just love them the way they are.

  4. christine Avatar

    hi jose b,

    where do you live? i live in the chicago area.


  5. walt Avatar

    Your ex-beau might be thinking that all women view things like Elaine from Seinfeld: “A woman’s body is a work of art. A man’s body is like a jeep – it’s for getting around.”

    Actually, that kind of attitude in women is very annoying to me. If women can’t see beauty in a well-toned male body, why am I wasting all this time working out?

  6. Dating Goddess Avatar

    Walt: Yes, both genders’ bodies can be beautiful and works of art. And we’d like to admire your well-toned one, so care to upload a pic? ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. surfing by Avatar
    surfing by

    Ladies, don’t be too smug. One study a couple of years ago showed that it isn’t that men can’t understand women’s subtle signals, but rather that women fail to signal clearly. The study found that even women couldn’t understand other women’s signals. It’s just that the consequences of failing to see those signals in the same gender are less.

  8. sdl Avatar

    So, it seems that saying “Porn does nothing for me- in fact, it is soo tacky and fake it turns me OFF” isn’t clear enough?

    I can admire a beautiful silhouette of either the male or female persuasion; but, as a culture, we have been exposed to more female ‘role model’ forms and thus see them through a different lens.
    Men, honestly, look better in the flesh than just the outline ๐Ÿ™‚

    Of course, I mean men like, oh, Jet Li or Keanu Reeves, or Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise- heck, poor Gina Davis became completely invisible in that scene- and that takes some doing!
    “Ah laake yer wife” ๐Ÿ˜‰ Classic line.

  9. Phillip Avatar

    My Ex-wife did a lot of hinting that I did NOT pick-up on. It made me feel stupid. It was like sending me a coded message that I didn’t have the decoder for. As far as turning her on I asked her straight to her “What turns you on?” As it turned out some of the things that I never thought of turn her on including grabbing and holding her tight, getting a little rough during sex, like spanking and pinching. Her likes, I just got used to it. So So ladies if he is kinda in the dark about it,you can approach it this way.First ask him what turns him on,then if you can agree with anything that he saids, tell him, also say now here’s what turns me on.

  10. nysharon Avatar

    Woman are not into explicit visual stuff like men are. They are more fantasy driven and are turned on more by their other senses–hearing sexy talk or by touch. A lot of men don’t know this. The picture of a man or woman can help feed that fantasy but prono style stuff in not usually what does it.