Some midlife women complain that some men they’ve dated want someone to take care of them — a mommy. Of course, in a Oedipal twist, they also want her to perform in the bedroom, assuming he still can.
Being a mother figure isn’t all bad if that is what you like. Many women like nurturing and caring for others. But it does upset the transactional analysis concept that we behave in Parent, Adult and Child modes. Eric Berne‘s theory is that the most evolved relationship is one where both people treat each other like adults.
Some couples’ relationships, however, are built on both taking on Adult/Parent behaviors for various tasks. Even some 21st-Century women expect the man be the Parent in the economic area where he is the primary breadwinner. The trade off is she takes on the Parent role in the caretaking/housekeeping area.
So what are the signs a guy is just looking for someone to take care of him? Here’s a list of somewhat obvious signs. (Any of these alone is not evidence of his wanting to be mommied, but if there are many of these signs, cut the apron strings.)
- He lets you do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and domestic duties. If you suggest he help, he makes excuses, including “I don’t do it as well as you.” He conveniently “forgets” to do the tasks you request to share household chores. When he does something that he deems your job, he makes a big deal out of it wanting accolades.
- He behaves in child-like ways. He leaves his clothes on the floor, doesn’t take initiative for household repairs, doesn’t manage his bills, may neglect his hygiene or appearance.
- He shows submissiveness. Instead of his putting his arm around you, he takes your arm and puts it around his shoulders. His idea of cuddling is for you to enwrap him in your arms.
- He gets defensive if you give him any constructive criticism. He may get angry, surly or even pout.
- He shows off, calling for you to look at what he’s done. “Honey, come listen to how the car now hums since I tuned it.”
- He expects you to make the majority of “adult” decisions for you both, e.g., investments, bill paying, major household improvements.
Although I typically avoid mommy-seekers like the plague, I stupidly went with one for 6 weeks. When I examined my role in my 20-year marriage, I saw I was more mommy-like than I prefer. I decided I no longer wanted to be a mother figure to another adult. I’m so adamant about this concept of not wanting to be a caretaker, I have an auto-watering yard, and refuse to get a bird bath, bird feeder or pet — anything that needs my frequent care!
What are signs you’ve seen that show a man wants to be mommied?
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