Euphemisms R us

euphemismIn dating profiles common phrases are used that are really euphemisms — nice ways to say what isn’t totally true. While I know you’d never use any of these duplicitously, others do. Some of these I’ve learned the hard way, as I am generally trusting and believe people at their word. But I’ve found that some people have very different definitions of certain words. Let me share what I’ve learned certain words mean in the real world:

  • passionate — horny
  • handsome — my mama tells me this all the time so I must be
  • fit — I can walk from my car to my office without getting too winded
  • athletic — I played football (or some sport) in high school
  • chivalrous — I’ll open the door for you, at least until we’ve had sex a few times
  • intellegent (sic) — not
  • funny — My fart jokes crack up my buddies
  • gentlemanly — I won’t attack you until the end of the date
  • separated — living in the same house with wife, sleeping in same bed, sometimes having sex, but not often enough so am listing myself on this dating site
  • curvy — chubby
  • voluptuous — obese
  • Amazon — huge
  • want to have fun — want to have sex
  • adventurous — kinky
  • looking for the one — looking for the one for right now until someone better comes along
  • want a sensational friendship — friends with benefits
  • romantic — horny
  • give flowers for no reason — you’ll be lucky if you ever see a daisy

What phrases or words in online profiles have you learned mean something entirely different than you expected?

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7 responses to “Euphemisms R us”

  1. nysharon Avatar

    OMG–you are too funny! But this is all true!!!
    How about:
    Tired of the bar scene–I can’t even pick someone up when they are drunk.

  2. Rod Avatar

    Too right you are! When I was doing the internet dating thing, I thought there should be a starters manual for everyone who was dipping their toes in for the first time. Its a euphemistically dangerous world out there…
    Hmm, let me think. Oh yeah, independent – “stubborn as a mule”… quirky sense of humor – “Im so weird no one will date me”… a few pounds overweight – “really fat”… BBW – see last definition plus 70 pounds… “average build” – a bit overweight… like a drink – “I sometimes forget where I live and the cops have to bring me home”… enjoy the finer things in life – “you better be as rich as Bill Gates”…
    And heres another red flag; if the photo was done in one of those glamor studios steer clear by a hundred miles. Chances are the real person looks nothing like that as numerous candid shots have proven.
    Also, if the pic is of a woman lying on the bed in a seductive pose with a skimpy outfit on, and the profile says “Im looking for someone who will love me not for looks, but for who I am” lets just say, its pretty clear who you are, and I do have the name of a good therapist if you need it.
    One more thing, what’s with the activity fiends? Geez, some say they pole vault, mountain climb, scuba dive, triathalon, bow hunt, skydive ad nauseum. In reality they’ve *watched* all those on tv. Not really truth in advertising. Which makes me feel a whole lot better about lawn bowling.

  3. walt Avatar

    looking for a man with:

    traditional values – you must treat me like a queen, and don’t expect sex
    family values – if you’re not ready to make babies, don’t bother me


    must love dogs – you’re going to be #2, at best!

  4. Lulu Avatar

    I don’t want to sound too cynical, but here are a few I’ve experienced:

    “We have a soul connection” = “I don’t see you as a long term lover”
    “You are everything I want in a woman” = “Hopefully you’re needy and gullible”
    “I don’t analyse emotions” = “I have no concept of how to be emotionally available”
    “I only date beautiful women” = “I’m incredibly shallow. Lose your looks and I’m gone”
    “I’m so turned on whenever I’m with you” = “The sex is great, but I don’t think about you when we’re apart”

    Thee are honest, decent men out there, and I’m pretty certain they don’t feel the need to use the kind of cheesy lines we women often get to hear during our dating adventures.

  5. Catherine Avatar

    Yes there are certainly dating profiles with euphemisms, but what really gets me are the ones that think they are being funny by using poor grammar and misspelling every other word, or tell you right up front they are looking for a “sugar mama” and you aren’t to question their motives. Gee do you really think I will take a serious look at your profile???

    I think some people are so desperate that they will do ANYTHING to get some love and attention, but my personal opinion is that without a friendship and relationship first, the sex is quite unfulfilling.

    So are these “nice” guys in real life who act out in the anonymous nature of the internet, or are they really the louses they appear to be online and the few that I have had a date or two with? (I know this applies to both sexes…)

    Where do you find nice normal guys that don’t want to rush a date into bed and are willing to take a week or two to see if there is enough chemistry to actually have a relationship? Am I that old fashioned?

  6. sdl Avatar


    No you’re not.

    The internet has nurtured an environment for many men to pursue women that would not have given them more than a polite nod in public in the past.

    And, in general, the freedom from censure has allowed single women to sleep with whomever they want whenever they want without repercussions.

    These two combine to create the impression in a large portion of the male population that women are not interested in more first, and that very little effort is really required to ‘date’.

    Yes, it means it is harder to sort out the ‘nice’ guys, especially online, where anything seems to go in their descriptions and communications.

    And DG?
    Nailed it in one on those euphemisms!


  7. Susan Avatar

    I have to disagree with Walt about Glamour Shots. I had my photos done there and I haven’t dated a man who didn’t recognize me in a second. Most of them tell me I look *better* in person.