Recently, I had a coffee date to meet a new guy. I noticed myself feeling a bit nervous beforehand, something I hadn’t felt in a while. I wondered if he would be nice or would he ditch me within a few minutes. Would there be that wonderful spark I’ve felt on a few first meetings, or that look of disappointment I’ve seen a few times?
This uncertainty, this risk taking, is part of what makes dating difficult. The first meetings can be so nerve wracking that they prevent many people from putting their toe in the dating pool.
“Most inaction isn’t solely because of indecision — it’s because of fear. But every time you want to do something that scares you, and you dare to do it, your self-esteem goes up a few degrees. When you’re fearful but you step forward anyway, you do yourself a great service. Even if someone slams the door in your face — the worst outcome you can imagine — it doesn’t matter. You’re a success every time you face down fear. You can feel that success. You feel elated or determined; either way the feeling is intoxicating.
“But every time you let yourself down by not acting, you can feel your self-esteem drop a few degrees. Your morale sinks along with your self-esteem.
“What will determine the course of your life more than any other one thing is whether or not you’re willing to tolerate necessary discomfort.”
Are you putting off contacting someone you think is attractive? Do you have a phone number for a guy who’s invited you to call, but you haven’t yet? If so and you need more than Barbara’s advice above, read “What would you do if you were brave?” and “The first time … calling him.”
When you’ve done this uncomfortable thing, write and tell us what you did and how you felt afterward.