Falling for your date

The other day I fell. Not for my date, but on my date. And a first date at that.

It was pretty embarrassing, as well as painful. I was all cuted up, in a form-fitting top, sassy skirt, patterned hose, 2-inch heels — not too high. I had nothing — absolutely no alcohol — to drink. We were dining at a table raised above the floor by two small steps. There was low lighting.

When I excused myself to go to the ladies room I didn’t see one of the steps and went down hard. My cute self was splayed on the floor. Luckily, my skirt wasn’t wrapped around my head.

The waiters and manager ran over to see if I was hurt. Mostly, it was my ego that was bruised, as well as some abrasions on my shins and thigh. My hose had a little tear. Otherwise, I was fine.

Interestingly, my date — seated a few feet away — didn’t get up to come to my aid. He turned around in his chair to face me and asked if I was okay as I scrambled to rise and regain what was left of my dignity.

In my four years of dating, I’ve not had another similarly embarrassing mishap. It made me think of how it telegraphs a lot by how we react when calamity happens to us or our date.

I was shaken and embarrassed, but tried to shrug it off. I continued to the ladies room with my head held high. Only when in the well-lit restroom did I see my shins had some open wounds which were oozing a little blood. When I went back to the table, I joked about my klutziness.

It told me a lot about my date that he didn’t rise to help me up, dust me off, or see if I was OK. He just asked from his chair. Did he think he was preventing further embarrassment by not making a fuss? Did he see that I was already vertical so there wasn’t much he could do? Since I said I was fine there was no need to come closer to see?

I don’t know about you, but if I saw someone nearby go down, whether I knew them or not, I’d like to think I’d go to their aid. And if I knew them, I know I would. So for my date to not bother to come check on me was a flag that said we had different perspectives of what was important in dealing with people. And specifically, about people in some distress.

Now I don’t recommend you fall down as a way to test your date’s values around helping you if you were in trouble. But if you do have an unfortunate mishap, notice what he does or doesn’t do and how you feel about it.

And try to keep your skirt down as you fall.

In Search of King CharmingFirst-Rate First DatesIf you want to be clear on the type of man you want in your life, download your copy of In Search of King Charming: Who Do I Want to Share My Throne?. And if you want to learn what to look for in a first date, get your copy of First-Rate First Dates: Increasing the Chances of a Second Date now


10 responses to “Falling for your date”

  1. Senorita Avatar

    Don’t go out with him.

    I am a lady, and if you had fallen in front of me, I would’ve walked to you and offered my hand to help you up. That’s just common courtesy. It’s the human thing to do.

    Its says a lot about a man that won’t offer you his hand or at least appologize profusely for not helping you up. If he didn’t even do that, forget him.

  2. Dating Goddess Avatar

    Senorita: Not too worry. There were other things that made this date a non-repeat.

  3. Brenda Avatar

    Absolutely agree with Senorita’s comment – very poor manners on his part and it says (as you said also) so much about him. I would not even give him a second date.

  4. Brenda Avatar

    PS BTW, it is very easy to fall like this – I have had “almost falls” several times in similar circumstances.

    The restaurants need to wake up about this – as you could have really injured yourself with a fractured ankle, etc.

  5. D-Maria Avatar

    I just had an even worse experience that told me the guy I have been seeing for 7 months is not the one for me…

    I was in a neighboring city for work – thy guy was supposed to join me for the weekend, but had being sending subtle signals that he was not sure about coming. Well, on the Thurs I was hit by a car when walking to work – luckily damage was limited to my knee – but bad enough am on crutches for at least a few more weeks. I write to him before going to the clinic, saying that I really need a hand and glad he is coming. He responds that things are complicated at work and he really is not sure about coming for the weekend. My problem, with knee cannot drive. I could NOT believe that he did not offer to come – and so told him to stay where he was and I would arrange things myself – how could I have been so wrong about him.

  6. Dating Goddess Avatar

    D-Maria: You’re right — your story trumps mine — and I’m sorry!

    Too bad that after 7 months he was so self-absorbed. I’m wondering if he had one -foot (or both feet!) out the door before the weekend came up. Or has another woman so going away for the weekend would be problematic.

    I think we all get blind sighted by not seeing someone’s true colors for a while. It’s why it’s always best to proceed slowly. But one would think that 7 months would be enough to read someone. However, some people are good at hiding out for along while.

    I do wish you a speedy recovery for your knee and are glad you had no more serious damage.

  7. Catherine Avatar

    I once fell walking into a cafeteria at work, with one of my friends at work (a male). As I landed on my face and hands, my legs went flying upwards, my skirt with them… so I also had the indignity of displaying my panties. This guy just stood there and watched as I practically fell at his feet. He didn’t offer to help me up and he was less than a foot away. Someone came running out of the cafeteria to help me stand up and brush myself off.

    I think that sometimes people just aren’t good at responding to an unexpected event, and they freeze. I also think it shows bad manners and a lack of caring, which goes back to how they were raised.

    In this case it should have been a big warning to me because this guy turned out to be not such a good friend in the long run. Actions speak louder than words.

  8. Samantha Avatar

    We like to feel he would want to save us if we really needed that. I’m not advocating the whole damsel in distress thing like it’s a good way to be. However, if we fell down for goodness sakes, he should come see about us. And I think a guy likes to feel he’s your hero, too. That situation just didn’t fit with what I think should be a natural instinct to want to protect you.

  9. Mike Ryan Avatar

    If you would have fallen infront of me (rather than for me) I would have made a cute humorous remark to make light of the moment and then I would have offered my hand to help you up.


  10. John Gillis Avatar
    John Gillis

    Falling down is hard anytime, but particularly in any public place & in front of a first date. I think the humiliation is more painful than the actual fall. However, the rudness of your date’s indifference is the worst pain of all.
    I believe after the man has come to the rescue of his aquaintance, that he relate similar occurances that happened to him infusing humor into the anecdotes in order to break the ice. Before you know it you’re both laughing & most of the hurt is gone (except for the physical pain). Believe me I’ve had priors. You’re welcome!