An attractive, charming and very-much-younger out-of-town male friend with whom I talk on the phone every few months for hours recently realized I have been celibate since deciding to divorce a few years ago.
He was profoundly shocked and decided that on his next visit to my city he was taking me ‘out on the town’ rather than just dinner and talking, as we usually do on his visits. He implied strongly that he was perfectly willing to step up to friends with benefits (FWB) with no weirdness.
A big part of me views sex as a commitment thing. Another part is starting to climb walls and have trouble sleeping.
We have known each other for years, have always gotten along well and have many traits in common, and he is a real knight-in-shining-armor type.
So, why not? One reason — he’s a lot younger than me — as in old enough to drink but only by a bit!
Is this a bad idea to accept the invite? Is it too likely to damage the friendship? Or him?
I am in DEEP water here, and would like some outside counsel. I need another female level head to make sense. My personal experience is just TOO limited in the dating arena (let alone the FWB one!) to have practical experience in this regard, and I knew you would be able to offer some perspective on the pros and cons based on the REAL world.
As you are wise enough to know, sex nearly always changes the dynamics, no matter how hard you try to make it not. Women let loose with that cuddling hormone, so get more attached, even if intellectually we know it’s just FWB.
My mantra is, “Don’t use someone else’s body to satisfy your own sexual needs.” It just complicates life. So, like you, my bias is for some kind of commitment, even if it’s just a commitment to be exclusive while you’re sexual. Not that I’ve stuck to my own guns about this!
So, my suggestion is to thank him but not take him up on his offer. With the exception of male DG readers, generally men have less emotional investment in sex than we do.
What do you think? Should she go for it or pass? Have you had experience with FWB and if so, was it worth it?
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