It can be hot, steamy and mouth watering. With a great recipe and tasty condiments, it can be delectable.
But just as with the first waffle, the first time with a new love can also be anemic and unsatisfying. In fact, many midlife daters report the initial romp to be less fulfilling than they hoped. Even with someone with whom they are emotionally and physically excited.
So do what you do with the first waffle — throw it out!
Does that mean to ignore the first time exploring bedroom bliss with your sweetie? Not really. But it does mean not putting a lot of weight on the outcome. You are learning about each other, what the other likes, communicating what you want. There can be a lot of pressure. So if one or both of you don’t reach nirvana, it is not a pronouncement that you are sexually incompatible. It means that this part of your relationship is a work in progress, just like other parts.
With waffles, you expect the first one to be “practice.” Keep that same attitude toward your first-time intimacy with your beau. And, just like with waffles, give the “iron” (your connection) time to heat up so the subsequent attempts yield more satisfying results.
When I make waffles, some of the batter oozes out the side. My waffles aren’t always beautiful to behold — but they are usually yummy if I put the love and attention into them that is needed to have a scrumptious repast. Your first (or second) intimate encounter can be inelegant. But given the right ingredients (mutual respect, communication, desire, humor), horizontal happiness is bound to be cooked up.
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DG, your recent posts have been devoid of personal details. They’ve been either about other people’s situations or you making general observations about relationships.
Are you taking a breather from dating or just keeping the latest about your love life under wraps?
Sex in middle age should be devoid of almost any expectations in my book. Find someone you’re comfortable with and explore the possibilities with patience. It could grow into something wonderful. With all the baggage of past failed marriages and relationships, both parties need to realize it probably won’t be like teenagers in the back seat ever again and for me thats a good thing. And ladies, most middle aged men have experienced or are in the midst of experiencing failure or discontent on some level (thus some of the mid-life craziness) so expectations in the bedroom they can’t meet will just be another blow. Patience please for both partners.
I think people get to hung up on everything should have bells and whistles. Sometimes you get lucky just like the lottery, but it usually happens after some work in getting to know the person.
You can’t always hit a home run at your first at-bat. You need to really get to know the other person, what her likes and needs are, and try to satisfy them. And sometimes it takes time, and a little effort.
So what if the first time isn’t the greatest, as long as he’s trying and LISTENING to you, and you are really trying to tell him.