How does music affect your dating?

LutherListening to my preferred radio station today, I noticed how many of my favorite songs are love ballads. Not lyrics of heartbreak and disappointment, but songs of deep caring and affection. Okay, I admit it, in addition to Luther Vandross, Marvin Gaye, Toni Braxton, Babyface, Gladys Knight and Michael Bolton, I like tunes by Barry White, which are not all exactly tender love songs. But they are sexy.

I noticed how my heart has ached to be loved by someone the same way the lyricist described — and to love someone similarly in return. The ardor described seems so deep and unshakable. Is it all an unattainable fantasy?

It got me thinking whether we choose our favorite music based on our feelings toward love and life, or if our feelings of love and live are shaped by the music we hear. They seem to go hand in hand.

If you are pessimistic about love, does downer music contribute to that feeling? Some teenagers are known to have listened to head-banging heavy metal before committing suicide or harming others. If you listen to music where the men are two-timers, players, cads and jerks, or derogatory toward women, does that reflect how you view men?

So if you start listening to love ballads, will that help you have a more hopeful attitude toward finding a great guy? And then you’re more likely to find one? Or will it depress you that you don’t have one?

What kind of music do you listen to and how do you think it affects your attitude about love? And if you find you listen to pessimistic music and want to see if optimistic music might help you change your attitude, will you experiment with it and tell us what happened?

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5 responses to “How does music affect your dating?”

  1. Gatti Avatar

    This song by David Roth is pretty much the theme song of my relationship right now. Pretty self-explanatory!

    Rising in Love

    Everyone looks for their calling in love, but I always find it surprising,
    The way people say that they’re falling in love,
    when I always felt I was rising.
    Floating right off of the ground and reaching
    Something I only had dreamed of.
    I’m not falling at all, I am rising in love.

    Everyone talks about tying the knot, but I have a hard time agreeing
    With the way that we bind up the love that we’ve got,
    when the feeling of love should be freeing.
    Oh, lifting each other up, instead of giving one another a shove.
    We won’t be falling at all, we’ll be rising in love.

    How do you let love grow?
    You’ve got to give it a chance when you’ve found it.
    A bird in your hand will stay until
    You start to close your fingers around it.

    Love is the river whose waters we test,
    And a measure of where we are going.
    But you never can step in the same river twice,
    For the water is constantly flowing.
    But the deeper the river, the greater the trust,
    And the more that we’re rising above.
    We won’t be falling at all, we’ll be rising in love.

    I’m not falling at all, I’m rising…
    I’m not falling at all, I am rising…
    I’m not falling at all, I am rising in love.
    I’m rising in love.
    I’m rising in love.
    I am rising in love.

  2. NYSharon Avatar

    Yes, love, mood, emotions and music go in hand. It can reflect our mood or influence it. This is off the subject from your questions a bit but I was amused to see your post today since last night I ended it with the New guy. Even though he is sweet, attentive, and attractive, no matter how I tried, I didn’t feel he was for me. He kept asking me if he did something wrong and what I could tell him that he could fix. Even though there were some things wrong “for Me” I didn’t go there. Instead I told him that it is much like MUSIC. When you listen to a certain artist either you feel it or not. Yes some types can grow on you, but sometimes you know pretty soon that it does nothing for you. Or sometimes you listen to it at another time in your life (like seeing a person in a different light) and you change your mind. For now, he doesn’t “sing” for me. It makes me sad but I know it is the best for now.

  3. Kat Wilder Avatar


    Music has always been a driving force in my life. When I was younger, I often turned to Joni Mitchell’s “Blue” after a love affair breakup to wallow in the overwhelming sadness until I was ready to move on.

    Like lots of other media, songs can create unrealistic expectations — a longing in us (“I want to be loved like that”) — or it can help us sort through our conflicted feelings about love.

    When I was divorcing, the soundtrack of my life was Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive,” Meredith Brooks’ “I’m a Bitch,” Sheryl Crow’s “Strong Enough,” Barenaked Ladies’ “Off The Hook,” Alanis Morrisette’s “You Oughta Know” and Madonna’s “Respect Yourself.” Talk about empowerment!

    Music is the food of love, so they say. To that, I say, rock on!

  4. Kat Von D

    I Googled for something completely different, but found your page…and have to say thanks. nice read.

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