“A man’s kiss is his signature. ” —Mae West
I’ve been surprised by the lack of good kissers in my dating adventures. Granted, sometimes it takes a while to actually get a romantic kiss — if ever. It took 6 dates with one guy before I got a “real” kiss — something beyond a peck. On the other hand, several men have greeted me with a deep kiss as if we’d been dating for a while. The latter is not my preference. I like to get to know someone and be drawn to him before I want to explore further, if you know what I mean.
Two men have told me they are planning on kissing me upon meeting. This does take some of the anxiety out of “will he kiss me?” — sometimes it seems premature.
Several stopped me while we were walking to plant the first kiss. Another, charmingly leaned over when he arose mid-meal to go to the men’s room, “I need a little kiss to tide me over while I’m away from you.” It was cute and worked to get me to hang out with him more.
“Whoever named it ‘necking’ was a poor judge of anatomy.” —Groucho Marx
On thing I’ve noticed is if a man says in his profile that he’s a good kisser, he often is not. With only one exception everyone who said he was a good kisser actually wasn’t.
In fact, if his profile says he is handsome, he often is not. I’ve sometimes wanted to ask “Who, besides your mother, has told you that you were handsome?” If he says he is a gentleman, he may think nothing of trying to bed you on a first date. And if he says he’s a great lover, well, let’s just say I don’t let those guys prove their claim.
So I’m surprised that men in middle age don’t know how to kiss better. One man I dated for six months was too much too fast, no kissing foreplay. Another was so sloppy I needed a napkin afterward. I could go on and on. I’ve been tempted to dog-ear the kissing section in “Mars and Venus in the Bedroom” for some suitors and put it in a place I know he’ll see it.
A friend pointed out that perhaps other women have liked how these guys kissed. Or maybe they’ve just never had feedback. How do you say to someone “You aren’t a good kisser”? That’s like saying “You aren’t a good lover.” I’ve tried modifying their behavior by giving them positive feedback on the parts I like: “I love it when you nibble on my lips,” or “I love the anticipation of our kisses when you kiss my face first.” Some learn. Others don’t.
I must admit I’ve hung out with some gentleman callers longer than I should have if they were good kissers. It’s an elusive — but I hope not dying — art.