You’ve decided to hold off sex with the guy you’re dating until you both feel the relationship is solid. Yes, you’ve made this decision before, only to watch it crumble as you have been swept away physically by his predecessors. But this time it’s different. You want to keep your word to yourself. You want to act congruently with the decisions you make, not allow yourself to be seduced — or to seduce — just because it feels good.
Oh, no! You realize you’ve been approaching sex the same way you diet!
You start out with strong resolve, committing not to do anything that is counter to your stated goals. You vow to live in alignment with what you say you want (whether it’s exercise regularly and limit sweets or exercise self-control and limit sweet, passionate kisses). You know it will take huge amounts of self-control, but you are determined this time to stick to your guns.
You’re fine for a while, congratulating yourself on your fortitude and willpower. You feel good about yourself for showing such strong tenacity. But after a while you feel yourself vacillating. “What harm will a cookie or two (or fill in your own favorite seductive technique here) do? I can stop there. It will be fine.”
And you’ve entered the slippery slope. You indulge. Then you beat yourself up mentally, chastising yourself like you’d never allow another person to talk to you. You work to recover, redoubling your efforts at staving off the forbidden fruit/activities. But your commitment has been damaged, if not broken. It is hard to keep depriving yourself of something you love.
Or perhaps you were able to rekindle your dedication to your goal and not give in to instant gratification. If so, you are not tempted by the delicious treats you know are in front of you. You feel great about being clear on what you want and not faltering.
No matter what your approach, do you see any parallels of dating sex and diets? (If you’re one of those lucky people who’ve never been on a diet, we don’t really want to hear about it!)
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Comments
One response to “Is your attitude toward dating sex the same as with diets?”
Ummm, no. Eating healthy and exercising is part of my goal of looking my best/being healthy. Not having sex is not a goal. The guys I’m sexually attracted to are pretty few and far between, so having sex with someone I’m sexually attracted to is a pleasure. And if he turns out to be the kind of guy who is only looking for a one-night stand of sex, then good riddance! Guys run more from emotional neediness than leave because a woman wants to enjoy sex with him. I don’t think sex necessarily means an exclusive commitment, although it certainly may lead to that. I wouldn’t want to make an exclusive commitment to a man I didn’t have great sex with.