Is your guy “spoilable”?

We’re usually more concerned with dealing with a man who is spoiled — self-centered, immature, and thoughtless. Ditch those guys immediately.

I’m talking about the opposite — someone who is so other-focused that it is hard for him to receive.

spaMost of us — at least me — like to be spoiled once in a while. It feels great to receive without the necessity of reciprocating — at least immediately. I think it’s why spas are so popular, especially among women. We typically give so much to others every day, that at the spa we can just kick back and receive. Of course, we remunerate in tips and fees, but it seems we get way more than we pay.

It is hard for some people to receive without needing to reciprocate. That’s why birthdays are great — you can give (or receive) and there is no concern about the favor/gift being immediately matched. The only expectation is a sincere thank you. And if the gift is truly liked, a big smile, hug, etc. will telegraph the appreciation.

It feels great to give something to someone you know the other will really enjoy. I work to notice what a sweetie likes and give him more of it.

Recently, I told Prince Considerate how much I appreciated his spoiling me and want to learn what makes him feel spoiled. He said, “That will be interesting. I don’t really know, as no one has ever spoiled me.” That includes his mother, ex-wife and past girlfriends. He’s mastered the art of giving, but has little competency in receiving. Not that he eschews receiving massages, favorite foods or compliments, but it is harder to be given to than to receive.

Some would say that not everyone needs to be spoiled. Perhaps. But if you can’t receive readily and without feeling you must repay in kind, there is a block to receiving love. Love, in part, is feeling special around another person. Receiving — even spoiling — is part of that.

What have you noticed about spoiling men? Are the ones who are good at spoiling you equally as good at receiving spoiling?

(See related posting, “Are you open to receiving?“)

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2 responses to “Is your guy “spoilable”?”

  1. christine Avatar

    i love spoiling my man 🙂 i like taking him on trips and taking him to dinner.

  2. kiriecat Avatar

    Funny, I asked my man back at the beginning of our relationship what would be the ideal relationship to him. His answer was that he would really like for someone to think he was special. This came from a man who is an old fashioned gentleman who opens doors and extends a hand, who remembers what I say and uses the information to do sweet things, who is constantly complimenting me, not just to me but to others as well. I don’t understand how nobody before me thought he was special. After a year I still think he’s special. Still, it is hard to spoil him because he always defers compliments. Still, I send him thank you cards for the sweet things he does for me. I buy him little thoughtful gifts that show I was thinking about him (like a bag of Atomic Fireballs, which he loves, which cost me $1, but it’s the thought). I’m never late or make him wait for me. I really listen when he talks. He does reciprocate, but isn’t that the whole point? I mean, this reminds me of an old song called “We belong to the mutual admiration society” that I remember my mom singing as a child. He certainly spoils me and I do make every effort to spoil him back.