We’re usually more concerned with dealing with a man who is spoiled — self-centered, immature, and thoughtless. Ditch those guys immediately.
I’m talking about the opposite — someone who is so other-focused that it is hard for him to receive.
Most of us — at least me — like to be spoiled once in a while. It feels great to receive without the necessity of reciprocating — at least immediately. I think it’s why spas are so popular, especially among women. We typically give so much to others every day, that at the spa we can just kick back and receive. Of course, we remunerate in tips and fees, but it seems we get way more than we pay.
It is hard for some people to receive without needing to reciprocate. That’s why birthdays are great — you can give (or receive) and there is no concern about the favor/gift being immediately matched. The only expectation is a sincere thank you. And if the gift is truly liked, a big smile, hug, etc. will telegraph the appreciation.
It feels great to give something to someone you know the other will really enjoy. I work to notice what a sweetie likes and give him more of it.
Recently, I told Prince Considerate how much I appreciated his spoiling me and want to learn what makes him feel spoiled. He said, “That will be interesting. I don’t really know, as no one has ever spoiled me.” That includes his mother, ex-wife and past girlfriends. He’s mastered the art of giving, but has little competency in receiving. Not that he eschews receiving massages, favorite foods or compliments, but it is harder to be given to than to receive.
Some would say that not everyone needs to be spoiled. Perhaps. But if you can’t receive readily and without feeling you must repay in kind, there is a block to receiving love. Love, in part, is feeling special around another person. Receiving — even spoiling — is part of that.
What have you noticed about spoiling men? Are the ones who are good at spoiling you equally as good at receiving spoiling?
(See related posting, “Are you open to receiving?“)
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