Lately, some DG readers have shared their unwillingness to move on from a love gone sour. Sometimes they know they need to, but can’t seem to cut that last emotional thread that leaves them feeling debilitated and unable to get on with their lives. Others seem to relish wallowing in retelling how the last guy did them wrong and how all men are immature liars and jerks.
Neither of these points of view are helping you get what you want — assuming you truly want someone who is good, kind, mature and respectful. Your point of view, and recounting it over and over and over, is repelling others. If it isn’t, you’re attracting men who commiserate about how his last love was a liar, cheat, etc. So you both are entering a potential relationship with a lot of negativity, not to mention suspicion. How hard is it to overcome someone’s preconceived notion that the other gender is full of immature liars, which, by the way, they think you may be, too? They are on the lookout for anything that resembles the last person’s immaturity, even though they may be misinterpreting your behavior. It’s a vicious cycle.
So, in the interest of all DG readers’ good mental health, I declare today as
Move on from those past hurts. Yes, grieving is something all of us need to go through, but have you been using grieving as an excuse a bit too long? Now, rather than it being a healthy part of ending a relationship, has it lingered so it is now so much of who you are you wouldn’t know how to describe yourself without a “the last guy did me wrong” story in there?
Let it go!
The next time you’re swapping relationship history with a gal pal or new guy, exercise self restraint and just say the last guy and you “didn’t work out” or you two “wanted different things.” That’s it. No elaboration needed.
If you have remaining physical items that remind you negatively of him, get rid of them. Throw or give them away. When my ex left, one of the first things I did was take down the gallery of our wedding pictures from the wall and put them in a box in the closet. Nearly all pictures of him were put away. If you need to rip up his photos or set them afire to feel closure, go for it (safely, of course). That lamp he gave you that you never really liked? Goodwill. That sweater he bought you but you felt it was too tight? Salvation Army. Get boxes for these things, as it is truly moving day! You are moving into the next great part of your life.
Technorati Tags: dating Internet, dating online, senior dating, bbw dating, mature dating, dating over 50, dating over 40, online dating advice, dating after 40, dating after 50, over 40 dating,40+ dating, dating after forty